The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

About three weeks ago, I felt a twinge. The twinge of a headache. This wasn't just any headache. It rivaled the headaches I had pre-diagnosis. The twinge lasted three days. Shortly thereafter, I felt another twinge. The twinge of fatigue. This wasn't just any fatigue. It rivaled the fatigue I had pre-diagnosis. The fatigue lasted three days. Shortly thereafter, I felt another twinge. The twinge of vibrating knees. I placed my hands on my knees while bending over to talk with a child. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Shortly thereafter, I felt another twinge. The twinge of a sore throat, a cough, a runny nose. The headache reappeared and so did the fatigue.

The thing about these twinges is that I have felt them all before. I am omniscent when it comes to these twinges. The twinges and I are old dear friends. And yet I want this "old dear friend" to visit quickly and leave.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I have been granted with knowledge. I have a weapon against these twinges. Those weapons are the supplements that have been sitting on my kitchen table for 6 weeks. I chose to take a sabbatical for my Lyme & friends treatment. I had been in ongoing treatment for well over two years and I was exhausted. I gave myself a break. I pretty much have given myself a break since February when my PICC line was pulled. I wanted to see just how far I could push myself before I had to use these weapons. I haven't had an IV since February and have barely taken any oral supplements (with the exception of Protein shakes that I was heavily encouraged to make).

So now .. I take that step of courage to change the things I can. Last night, I courageously went over and picked up two new bottles of supplements. I filled a glass of water and drop by drop put these two new supplements into the water. Courage. I need courage. These new supplements taste nasty. I almost threw up the moment it hit my mouth. I learned one thing last night. Don't fill up a whole glass of water. Use about one ounce instead .. ;) (IE: Change the things I can).

Tonight I took my third dose of supplements. I am already feeling the effects. I am burning up and swollen. My head and teeth hurt. It hurts to breathe and I'm coughing so hard that my ribs and abs ache. My hands are shaky and it's only the 2nd day.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

SYTYCD Review

** update 6/28/09 ** added Favorite Mary Phrase for each dancer

Finally ... I have watched So You Think You Can Dance. I have yet to watch the results show. Mary Phrase Count (MPC): Mary has phrases she says a lot. I thought this week I would "count" the phrases per each contestant. :) She often says, "Yes You Do." (or Yes You Can, or Yes You Will, Yes I did ... you get the point. A 3 word phrase with Yes or No at the begining .. I or You in the middle and word at the end). I kept track of the show today ... to see how many she said. :D My favorite routines are bolded.

First up with a Hip Hop Routine, Jonathon & Karla take the stage. 1st week I didn't remember. They were in the bottom 3. The 2nd week, they added garlic and butter to their mashed potatoes contemporary routine and this week ... They were easily my least favorite dancers. Karla was a little more "gangsta" in her hip hop, but it wasn't impressive at all. Their "stops" were lacking and moves that should be easy for any dancer didn't appear too easy for them. They tried to be "Smooth Criminals," but I think they should be arrested for performing so poorly. The only part for Jonathon that was a bit redeeming was his gymnastics skills. I felt as if they were doing a bit of a dress rehearsal instead of the show. Synchronization was horrendous. I agree with Nigel ... bottom 3 dance.

MPC: 0
Favorite Mary Phrase: We all know I'm in touch with my inner gangster.

****

Next with Asuka & Vitalo is a jazz routine. Asuka was nervous in rehearsal so that makes me nervous even to watch the routine. Just like Jonathon and Karla, I didn't like their 1st routine and I loved their 2nd routine. So knowing this, I wasn't sure what to expect. I think these two have potential to be really wonderful dancers, but this week it just wasn't there. Some of the steps were really off and Asuka looked petrified. I am afraid that I won't remember this routine tomorrow (and with a MP: No I Won't). I was actually surprised at Nigel. He was so harsh on the 1st couple and this couple not so much. I felt the same with this routine. I felt as if it were too simplistic and just like a dress rehearsal. That they weren't putting their all into it. I would not be surprised if they were also in the bottom 3.

MPC: 0
Favorite Mary Phrase: He's put a whammy on me! (referring to Nigel)

****

I am looking forward to Melissa and Ade. They have come to be one of my favorite couples so I am excited to see the Rhumba. They've done a beautiful piece and a strong and raw piece ... so the Rhumba will (should) be wonderful. In these kinds of dances, hips are important. Do I love their hips ... YES I DO! (Oh wait .. I'm not Mary Murphy). I had to watch this routine 3 times just to watch Ade because I couldn't keep my eyes off of Melissa's lines. I heard Mary screaming in the background. "What a difference A Day (Ade) Makes" OMG Nigel just made me laugh.

MPC: 3 ~ Yes I am, Yes I did and Yes I did (and a few screams too)
Favorite Mary Phrase: What you're selling right now, I am buying (yes I am)!

****
Next up are Brandon and Janette with a routine of Hip Hop. I hope no one takes offense to this "critique," but any dancer that can make himself look so very masculine in a routine that is very much effeminate when he is not dancing means that dancer is VERY GOOD. Rock mixes with Hip Hop works with these two. It was very syncronized and I enjoyed the popping quite a bit that Brandon did. They both did very well with a routine that definately was not in their element. I have now watched this about 5 times and I love it more everytime I watch it.

MPC: 2 ~ Yes I do, Yes I am ( and a couple of screams)
Favorite Mary Phrase: You guys are rock star (whoooooooooooooooooooooo).

***
I'm watching Kupono and Kayla extremely disappointed. I am mourning the loss of Max and wish it was him dancing with Kayla. I believe this would have been a completely different dance if Max had been Kayla's lead. Even though I absolutely love Kayla's dancing, I am not looking forward to watching K Squared dance. They will be performing the Viennese Waltz. I'm nervous for Kayla for the lifts. I also have issues with the no shoes dancing of the Waltz. In a way, Kayla reminds me of last years Chelsea (she was my favorite female dancer). The dance itself was very beautiful. It was not my favorite dance of the night even though Kayla is one of my favorite dancers.

MPC: 3 ~ No it wasn't, Hot Tamale Train, Yes I do (and a couple of screams)
Favorite Mary Phrase: I know one thing for sure. That was no nightmare; no it wasn't!
****
Randi & Evan: They are becoming my favorite couple. They have so much personality in Mia Michaels Contemporary routine. Evan's pants were a bit distracting .. and so was Randi's. BUT and there is a BUTT (yeah yeah I'm no Nigel), I enjoyed the routine. It was classic Mia Michaels that lacked props. I enjoyed this dance; YES I DID (oh wait .. i'm STILL not Mary Murphy). I find it funny that Evan during the first episode was worried about touching Randi because she's married and now ... Mia did a routine about Randi's butt!

MPC: 1~ Yes we did (lots of screaming and lots of "butts")
Favorite Mary Phrase: I can honestly say I wasn't hypnotized by just the butt!

*****
Jason & Caitlin: 1st week LOVED them ... 2nd week .. HATED them ... this week? They performed the Paso Doble. I suspect that this will be better than last week. Jason and Caitlin got into character and didn't stop performing to the audience. They did seem to have some difficulties with some technique and posture, but hope the entertainment factor of the routine skates them through.

MPC: 2 ~ Yes it was, Yes it was
Favorite Mary Phrase: Holy smokes.

****
Phillip & Janine: While performing the broadway routine, they of course needed to use a prop ... the couch. As I've said before, I'm sometimes a fan ... and sometimes NOT a fan. This week ... A fan! :D I look at Phillip and think what a geek. A cute loveable jumping over the couch geek, but a geek none-the-less. His pants were distracting especially after the rip. However, he kept performing even once he felt the breeze on the backside of his pants. YES HE DID! and he wears tightie whities. :D I think Janine could jump right onto broadway right now. She's such an excellent. performer. YES SHE IS. :D They both stayed into character and their technique. Janine's technique was better than Phillip's technique, BUT ... for what he can do for not having any training ... wow. Impressive.

MPC: 3 ~ No I wasn't, No we didn't, Yes you were (lots of screams)

Favorite MaryPhrase: "Achooooo" I'm allergic to down feathers. What can I say, but I wasn't allergic to that routine. No I wasn't.

Favorite Nigel Phrase: I need more than your ass sticking out of your trousers too
****

Total Counts:

Yes I am (2),
Yes I did (2)
Yes I do (2),
Yes it was (2)
No it wasn't,
Hot Tamale Train,
Yes we did,
No I wasn't,
No we didn't,
Yes you were!

I know you enjoyed that .. Yes YOU DID!

Favorite Mary phrase over all was: "Achooooo" I'm allergic to down feathers. What can I say, but I wasn't allergic to that routine. No I wasn't.

Former Friday ~ Friendship

I wrote this next post on July 10, 2007. I am going to be editing it a bit to remove names since more than 5 people will be reading it.


Friendship & Memories

The word friend has several meanings. The general concept is that a friend is a person that someone else likes and trusts. In elementary school, I thought I was friendless. I thought I could count on one hand the number of friends that I had. But looking back, I had more than I ever realized. There were at least 12 of them. I spent every waking non school moments with my best friends because they were not in my class at school. I remember riding my bike back and forth from my best friend's homes.

I remember spending days running back and forth from my house to my neighbor's home. I could run faster if I ate the green M&M's first. I swore I would marry one guy, but it was another that took me to my first ever boy girl dance. Another fellow and I would hold pretend weddings, but never would have actually married because he had cooties. I had a "wild friend", a sweet friend, a friend that was a little bit of both, a friend that always had a band-aid, and friends that would hang out in our tree house. (yes I actually spent some time outside if you can believe it). One of my very best friends turned into a band geek just like me. My world was turned upside down when I found out I was moving from the little town I cherished. In the last year, I have found many of these friends and it has been quite a blessing to have them in my life again.

I have fond memories of that little town where I grew up. There was the sleepover that I conned my parents into having where all the girls came over to spend the night and all the boys that weren't invited tried to scare us with ghost noises. But I was wise to their plan! I admit to be a little scared to be the first one to go to sleep. I thought I would find my bra frozen first thing in the morning, but my good girl friends chose to not pull any pranks like that on that one night. The other memory I have is of a skating birthday party. Do I remember who all was there? No, but I do have a good guess that most of the girls on the aforementioned list were there. My fondest memory was opening a huge box and finding a smaller box inside of it. Guess what was inside that box? I think there were in total 10 boxes for me to open. I have no idea what the present was. I just remember the journey.

I swore to all my friends that I would not lose touch. I did not want to leave. I couldn't leave. I did not want to lose the best friends ever. I even tried to hide in an attic to stay, but I had to go and I lost in touch with them all right away. It was so sad. Who would I find to race with me across the "huge field?" Who would I find to ride bikes with and play with Barbie Dolls? Who would I find to crush on and who would ever like me for me? I had always lived there. How would I find people that would like and trust me? Who would have guessed that it was time for that Jennifer to grow up?

In 7th grade, I moved. My first day of school totally sucked, but I found my new best friend. It took me a while to realize it, but I would have a core group of friends almost immediately. I can name them on one hand. So back to middle school, Friend E was the first one I met. I dropped my books when I was walking backwards (dumb move huh?) into a mobile classroom. According to her, I had run smack dab into the hottest guy in school. If he was the hottest guy in school, I wanted to go back to home and FAST. This friend introduced me to all the others that would eventually form our little "clique."

In high school, I made many friends. Some were the best friends and some just mere acquaintances, but all were "friends" none-the-less. They all at one point or another had to earn my trust in order to be called a friend. It's during this time that I met my husband. My best "male" friend at the time introduced us. Isn't that crazy? The one guy I had put all my efforts into and the one guy I definitely swore would be mine ... introduced me to my future husband.

When I met him, I thought he was old and a pervert. But as I got to know him, he became my friend. It took from 1994 to 1997 for him to summon up the courage to ask me out. Then it took me 24 hours after that for me to say yes. It took us probably 4 months to realize we we meant to be together, but we did not get married until 2000. We had friends from all walks of life at our wedding. I had friends from elementary school, middle school, high school and from college there on the day of our wedding. I have not seen most of them since, but they came together for the most important day of my life. In September, we'll have been together for 10 years (now it has been 12 years in September). That is amazing. I am so glad that I have spent the last 10 years of my life with this amazing man. He will do anything I want and anything I ask. I could not have picked a better friend to be my husband for the last 7 years. (now it's been 9 years)

Sometime in high school, I met my friend J. Somewhere along the lines we became my best friend. I did not know that it would turn into a friendship that would last this long. I am so glad that it has. He is the kind of friend that I can text to say I've had a horrible day and he'll respond with a a "I'm sorry." There's nothing he could do, but he's still truly sorry that I've had a bad day. And it makes it better (at least a little bit). He's the kind of friend that would drop whatever he's doing to help me out. He's the kind of friend that makes me laugh no matter how badly I feel. AND he's the kind of friend that makes me remember all the good times that I've had to outweigh the bad times. AND he's the kind of friend that calls me after he gets off of work to make sure that I'm okay even though he's had a rough time himself.

You guys might wonder why the long drawn out blog about friends. In the last year, I have learned more about friendship than I ever have in my entire life. It made me think about the friendships I've had in the past and remember the green M&Ms and bicycle rides. Friends are important. They are the most important because Friends are Family. Someone taught me that once.

So You Think You Can Dance

It will have to wait until tomorrow. I've not had a chance to watch the show yet.

I've watched it .. but it still has to wait. I need to watch it again.

Priceless Wednesday

There is nothing better in this world than holding a newborn infant.
Henrik was born June 22, 20o9 at 10:58 am. I waited a full day before going to visit. This my sisters fourth C-section. Though it was hard, I waited ... and waited ... and waited. And then I finally got to hold him! I've done this three times before and each time it gets better and better.

Aunt Jennifer holding Henrik ~ beautiful bouncing baby boy Henrik.
The running joke is that all of the nephews should be Hubert. It rhymes with the last name. Henrik is not Hubert, but I finally got my H name after 4 babies in 9 years. I have to run now. I have to get to work so that I can go to the hospital and see Henrik (and N, K, and G).

OCD: helps or doesn't help?

I'm sure if any of you reading has a tick borne illness you will completely understand the point of this post. I have OCD. I am sure some of you are thinking, "Now Jennifer ... I have seen your house. You are NOT OCD." While others are merely scratching your heads pondering where this post is headed. So I think an introduction is in order.

Hi, my name is Jennifer (insert Hi Jennifer) and I have OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is an anxiety disorder characterized by involuntary intrusive thoughts. When the person acknowledges these thoughts, it develops anxiety based on the dread that something bad will happen. So then they are compelled to do voluntary irrational actions that are time consuming to diminish the anxiety. What is my OCD you ask? What is my fear? What is my voluntary action? I believe you all know where this post is now heading.

My fear is my reality ~ my fear is that I would become infected with a new strain of a tick borne illness. My Voluntary Action is to check my body over and over for ticks. I do this every morning and every evening without failure. I check my body during every shower and every moment I get. Every little "tickle" produces fear in my soul that another little blood sucking creature has latched on.

The past week I have become less rigid on my fear of tick checking. I mean I am still checking, but the FEAR had subsided. However, these fears have invaded my self-conscious. I keep having vivid nightmares about these tiny arachnids. I just had on Sunday morning in fact. Most mornings when I wake up from my little arachnid dreams ... I immediately check myself over. I have this "irrational fear" that my dreams mean that it's really happening. Therefore, a tick check is immediately in order.

So Sunday morning, I woke from this dream and decided, "You know what. I am NOT going to let this dream control my life. I'm going on about my business and I am NOT going to do a tick check just because I dreamed about a spider and ticks." So I gingerly went to the computer and started my day. OCD will NOT control my life. The FEAR will not consume me.

I went to the bathroom for my morning routines and when I sat down on the toilet .. guess what I saw? After I screamed bloody murder, I realized that I have to have this OCD. There was a big ole fat Lone Star Tick attached sucking away! So you tell me, is my OCD (my daily tick checking ritual) irrational? The very moment I don't do this "irrational behavior" I find a tick sucking away at my flesh and blood! Of course after my husband so kindly removed the tick with a pair of tweezers and sealed in in a plastic bag just in case we need to test it later on, we performed a thorough tick check on the both of us. I fear this will be my daily OCD the rest of my life. How can I live through such fear? Every tickle causes me to look.

Who else does this? Am I alone or do the other sufferers of LD do this to? It's insane to "normal" people, but isn't it actually SANE to check? Or am I so far gone into the insanity that I don't realize that this isn't sane?

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day

Favorite story of my favorite father's day present ever.
My teacher was going around asking all of her
students what their father's liked to do.
Some would say their Dad's liked sports.
Some would say their Dad's liked golfing.
Some would say their Dad's liked four wheelers.
Some would say their Dad's liked Video Games.
Some would say their Dad's liked church.

ME?
I said my dad liked to sit!
They tried to present me with another option
since my Father is musically talented.
Nope I insisted:
My Dad's a Sitting Nut.

Out of the mouth of children eh?
So Happy Father's Day to
My Sitting Nut!

If I had to say it all over again ...
I think I'd say the same thing!

Well maybe there would be a few more options

My Dad: The Humorous Nut
My Dad: The Musical Nut
My Dad: The Computer Messer Upper Nut
My Dad: The Golfing Nut
My Dad: The Nose Flute Nut
My Dad: Driving about 10 different ways to work Nut

All Joking Aside:

My Dad: The Dependable Nut

I can always count on my Dad to be there when I need him.
He's already done the three most important
things a Dad has to do ...
He gave me Life,
he molded me into
the person I became
and then
he gave me away.



Thankfully I still have my sitting nut.
He's one of the most important people in my life.
He can be serious.
He can be humorous.
But most importantly,
he is my Dad.

Former Friday ~ Glamorous Me

For the next few weeks (maybe longer), I am going to do something I am going to call "Former Friday." I will be posting things that I have written in the past (either from here or from another origin).

This old post makes me laugh because it was written about 3 months after my Lyme Diagnosis. Ironically now, I am a bit more "aware" about my appearance and I sometimes do care about what I look like when I'm going somewhere special. Ironically later today, I am going to get my "hair did" again. I've been keeping it looking decent this time around. I have gone to the hair dresser more this year than I think I have in the last five years combined.

The following was written on June 16, 2007.

Hair, Make-up and a Dress

Those of you that know me in person know that I am NOT into making myself look Glamorous. I couldn't care less if I was wearing sweatpants to meet the Queen of England herself. I couldn't care less if I was wearing work out clothes to meet Michael J. Fox or Patrick Dempsey (okay maybe I *DO* care about that one. I am NOT that person. I did not have someone special "Do" my hair for my wedding. I did not have someone special "Do" my make up it either. I threw it up in a bun like any other day and ran with it!

So WHY am I going NUTS over a stupid banquet? I feel like one of those high maintenance chicks that goes nuts over hair and make up. Do these shoes go with this dress? Could I wear this ring with that watch? I spent TWO HOURS straitening my hair. How many of you think that anyone will notice? AND now I'm worried about a freaking handbag. Here it is with almost an hour to go and I'm just now thinking ..my purse won't match.

I can thank my parents for sending me to Barbizon because if I want I CAN actually do my make up.

I don't know if I'm hearing "Glamorous" in my head or "Man I feel like a Woman" by Shania Twain. And you guys know that I despise country music. Fortunately for all of you, you won't see me look like this! I feel like an impersonator of someone else. I don't feel like Jennifer! I feel like ... (insert anyone you know that wears a lot of make up and dresses up high maintenance).

SYTYCD Review

So I admit it. I have a problem. I am addicted to a lot of reality shows. I get it honestly ... My dad is a reality show junkie too. My absolute favorite reality show (other than Survivor) is So You Think You Can Dance! I absolutely love watching new routines and different styles of dance. It makes me smile and I love hearing the comments from the judges (especially Ms. Mary Murphy). So I have decided that I might try to do a review while I"m watching the show. I watch the show the day or two after it airs. So hopefully you won't be spoiled if it's still in your DVR. But since I'm not giving away any bottom 3 answers in this .. this won't spoil anything. Other than whether *I* think they are good .. and what style they are dancing. Also I enjoyed last week's dancing better. I will highlight in bold my favorite couples this week.

Jive ~ Evan & Randi ~ They personality wise are my favorite people on the show. In theory, this should be really good for them. But their actual performance lacked a little bit for me. I think they could have gotten more bounce in it. I expected a lot more out of their jive. I did enjoy it, but they could have had more FUN! (I hear you all groaning) It almost looked like a dress rehearsal instead of an actual performance. I still liked the routine, but it just lacked a little luster for me.

Jazz ~Ade & Melissa Last week, I loved their piece. It was beautifully performed so I am looking forward to this week's performance. It was raw and strong. She was just as strong as Ade and I love that! And what did I love the most ... Mary's "tough love." :o) I love Mary! She makes me smile. Ade lifts Melissa and it's just beautiful. It's early in the show, but this might be my favorite dance of the show!

Hip Hop ~ Jason & Caitlin ~ Last week was their Bollywood dance. The bad thing about having a really great routine one week is that the next week ... it could be a let down. That's exactly what happened here. I was let down. They should have worked just as hard this week as they did last week in the Bollywood routine. They were so in sync (not the boy band) last week and this week they fell short in my opinion. Last week her legs were on fire and this week .. they lacked something. Parts were completely awesome, but other parts not so much.

Disco Dance ~ Brandon & Janette ~ So I am a bit torn on Brandon. Sometimes I love him as a dancer and othertimes ... he annoys me. Last week's performance on the Fox Trot was alright. I didn't know what to think about the disco because they were going from a dance that is very slow to a very rapid quick dance. The performance by the two? Two Words: Whirling Dervish. It was hard to keep up because it was so quick. Janette had a slight bobble at the end, but recovered quite well. I can't really say how Brandon did because I couldn't keep my eyes off of Janette. She did such a good job. And they got Mary to Scream. That means it had to have been good.

Waltz ~ Vitalio & Asuka ~ last week's performance was a let down so I was impressed by this week's dance because anything would be better than last week's dance. (unless you're reviewing Dancing with the Stars ... b/c I mean some of those stars just don't improve) Their lines were very nice and I don't know if the average viewer will appreciate the dance though (and this was the couple that brought Mary to tears and got Nigel to fake blow his nose on TV ... got to love the judges).


Pop Jazz ~ Max & Kayla ~ Last week Max & Kayla were my favorite couple. I have extremly high expectations going into this dance. My first thought was about the Props they use. Sometimes I am a fan of props and sometimes I am not. This week ... the props were a let down. Their costumes were also overwhelming. MC Hammer pants .. Even Mary didn't like it. Bright Ostrich dress .. Again, I am not a fan. BUT .. I looked past all of that to see that their skills are so prestine, perfect and precise. They stayed on Mary's Hot Tamale Train! I would say that Kayla is better than Max, but the pair of them are a force to be reckoned with. They are completely awesome.

Contemporary ~Jonathon & Karla ~ These two I think: Who are they? I couldn't remember them from last week. Then I remembered they were in the bottom three. I have to remember to enjoy the skills of the dancing even if I don't like the style of dance. Contemporary is not my favorite style, but I think that these two did an alright job in performing it. In fact, I actually quite enjoyed it. My big joke about Contemporary dancing is that if dancing is a potato .. then contemporary dancing is mashed potatoes. This couple added butter, cheese & garlic to the mashed potatoes. If you don't understand this, it means I really liked it! They performed so much better than last week (obviously since I don't even remember their routine last week).

Tango ~ Phillip & Janine ~ my 2nd favorite routine from last week. So I hope that they will be able to do just as well this week. I fear the Tango for them. I expect a Tangled Tango! (or maybe I should say a Testicle Tango since she kicked him in the groin) Phillip looks very uncomfortable, awkward and a bit heavy in the legs. He did have some great hip moves though. Janine seemed more comfortable and her lines were not half bad. I think Janine could have done better if Phillip had been better with the technique of the Tango. I think it kind of brought her down. I fear this might put them in the bottom 3.

Hip Hop ~ Kupono & Ashley ~ Last week they did the Crash Test Dummies dance. I really enjoyed it. So hopefully they will BRING IT. I could never do Hip Hop and I love to watch it. Okay. I had to watch this three times ~ and not because I just loved it. The stops were okay at the beginning, but then they got loose with the stops. I thought they did a much better job with the Crash Test Dummies dance. It looks like they practiced the dance wrong in parts. Practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect Practice makes perfect. It wasn't syncronized at all. It was Chaotic and not in a good way. I thought it was going to be faster, sharper and completely awesome. I was let down by the performance. I wouldn't be surprised if they were in the bottom 3.


Well I can't wait to see my DVR on the results show! No one spoil it for me. I never watch these things until later. :o) I go to bed too early to see it the day it airs.


*** 6/19/09 ***
Well .. I was right about ONE that went home, but I was saddened that one of my favorites went home.

Not Me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.



So I've taken a two week respite of Not Me Monday. It's not that I intended to do this, but I have been way too busy! No, Not Me! Too busy to post on Not Me Monday ...

1. I did not stay up until 11pm three nights in the last two weeks. Not Me. Not Ever.

2. I did not force my husband to watch "Mary Murphy" scream on So You Think You Can Dance and did not laugh at her Botox antidote. I didn't watch it four times in a row and then youtube it so I could watch it more. I certainly did not facebook it later on. :o)



3. I did not ... I repeat did NOT ... get water from the fridge only to fall backwards into two bags of garbage and cut my knee all the while managing to save my entire glass of water from spilling.

4. So the other evening my husband did NOT do laundry. He did not wash a set of whites and dry them only to find them sopping wet in the morning. Guess what he did NOT find in the dryer vent. I mean because if he did find this it means that it hadn't been cleaned in a few washings ...and I ALWAYS clean out the dryer vent after doing a load of wash.



It looks like a small animal .. does it NOT?
5. Speaking of "small" animals. I did not go overboard and take 11 photos of my precious pup.




Stay tuned next time for the things I did NOT do ...

Old Not Me Monday's for your viewing pleasure

Week 1: Wii Fit Cheater
Week 2: OCD Shoe Lace
Week 3: "Your in" for a real treat on this one.
Week 4: I'm 12 again!
Week 5: PICC me! PICC me!
Week 6: Oh "Holey" Days!
Week 7: Overeaters Anonymous
Week 8: Hair Today: Gone Tomorrow
Week 9: Liar Liar Pants on Fire
Week 10: Khakilin' at the store
Week 11: To Capri or Not To Capri
Week 12: Losing my V Card
Week 13: It's beginning to TICK me off
Week 14: PC Out!
Week 15: Earth, Wind & Fire
Week 16: No Not Me Today
Week 17: Touch of Lime
Week 18: Sleeping Beauty
Week 19: Protein or Not to Protein
Week 20: What a Donkey
Week 21: Burning the Midnight Oil (today's post)

Recurring Nightmare

Ever have a dream that you're teeth are falling out?
Ever have a dream that you're falling?
Ever have a dream that you've gone to work/school naked?
Ever have a dream that you're being chased?
Ever have a dream that you're drowning?
Ever have a dream that you're failing a test?

A recurring dream is a dream which is experienced repeatedly over a long period. If you've had any of those dreams up above multiple times, you are not alone. I have had them too. If they occurred in *real* life, they might cause pain or embarrassment or even death. I mean what are the chances you'd actually go to work or school naked? Slim to none. (If you're a lymie, you're more likely to do this: Take a bath with your underclothes on accidentally of course) All of your teeth fall out? Again Slim to None. Fall to your death from tall heights? Slim to None. Being chased through an alley? Doubtful, especially if you steer clear from alleys. Drown? Fail a test? Okay those two are more likely.

Most recurring dreams I have aren't especially likely. However, my most recent recurring nightmare could very well happen. It's happened to others so why couldn't it happen to me. The thought of losing my Lyme Doctor to political garbage is very real. That's why when I have the dream four times in a two week span ... I begin to wonder whether it is coming true. It scares me more than any non-Lyme patient can ever know. Until you walk a mile in a Lymie's shoe, you will never know what this fear is like. You don't GET Lyme until you GET Lyme. This dream has woken me up from deep slumber.

I don't think I've ever shared with my readers that I have a "gift." I used to think this "gift" was a "nightmare" in itself. I tend to dream about things that happen in the future. It may not be that the entire "event" happens, but just parts. Let me give a few examples. One time I had a dream that a very close friend of mine was pregnant. Not only was she pregnant, but she suffered an incredible loss in this pregnancy. It woke me up in a panic. I felt horrible for not only dreaming of the pregnancy, but of the loss. I was terrified it was true. So in order to calm my fears, I called this friend only to find out that she had just gotten back from the hospital. I was horrified.

Another time I dreamed about an organ transplant that fell through. The very next day one of my blogger friends got "the call" and it was a "dry run." (meaning that the transplant fell through). The good part was that shortly later I had another dream ... only this time it didn't fall through. Guess what happened next? The day after, she received the call again and then she received her double lungs.

Want more? I have plenty that are just like this. Dreams about the Fire Marshall showing up to work and the next day the Fire Marshall showed up. Dreams about a sudden death of a friend and a few weeks later a friend suddenly dies. Dreams about all sorts of things. I found out a few years ago that one of my cousins has the same "gift." How weird is that ... *very* His parents thought his was weird ... I guess secretly I must have thought my parents would think the same thing. I never told them. In fact, my guess is they are finding about this gift along with all of you ... right now!

My dreams are so scarily accurate that I have begun warning certain people of some of my dreams. Some are downright ridiculous and I know would never happen. Like my boss getting arrested .... Yeah if that actually does happen, I think I'm going to call Maura Povich or something. (I can't believe no one called me out on the typo ... Maura Povich .. MAURY Povich)

So you all can imagine why my nightmare is a little scary. It's not like other LLMD's offices haven't been completely shut down ... :o( Such a sad thing for the Lyme community. Hopefully I can fall back to sleep in a gentle slumber and rest until it's time to get up. Maybe I better warn my boss about her impending impoundment! :P

Living the Lyme Life

**Updated** June 14, 2009***

I noticed that there might be a few new folks learning about my journey. Go to these old blogs to see how far I've come. I update it every so often after writing a post that is relevant to my health.


My Diagnosis
My Therapy
A day in the life of a treatment
My PICC Line Story Part 1
My PICC Line Story Part 2
Grey's PICC Line Story
Slow Progress
My LLMD appt
November 15, 2008 Update
Chelation Challenge
Mercury Toxicity (My Mercury test came back negative)
Living the Lyme Life Post
Aluminum Toxicity
PICC Line Removal
Two weeks post PICC
Two year anniversary plus supplements
March 15, 2009 Update
Post PICC Pics
Conflicted Lymie
CDC Positive Test Results
Ups and down of Lyme
Live Blood Cell of Rob & Me
Previous Photos of me
Small Victories
Curious Lymies Goes to the Doc

There ya go. The most important health blogs all in one place! Enjoy reading if you've not read them before.

Curious Lymie goes to the Doc

How am I doing? I've been asked this a lot lately so I thought I'd take the time to update.

I am actually doing extremely well. I have been staying up later and sleeping less. I still have moments of pure exhaustion, but usually after one great night of sleep I wake up refreshed. This is something I haven't felt in over a decade.

Even though I am doing wonderfully, there are a few things that are bothering me. First one is hard to explain. I have never been able to explain it, but it's this feeling in my knee. I touch it and it feels like something is under there. It moves all around and feels extremely weird. I have never found the right words to describe it, but others that have felt it just say "wow that's weird." The second is that yesterday, a new mole popped up on my ear. As I am sure you guys are just as OCD as I am about your skin, I check out my skin every day. I am constantly looking for ticks. Ironically just yesterday morning, I was checking out my ears b/c there was a tickle. One of my ticks that I have had was attached to my ears so I am always checking them out.

Well I was teaching a class yesterday when I felt a slight "pain" right on the top of my ear. So of course I touched it. I realized there was a "rough spot" that sort of felt like a tick. So I immediately went to find someone else to take a peek b/c it sort of looked like a tick from my view in the mirror. After work, I drove to my Primary Care Physician (I haven't been to that office since Feb. 07, but I knew that my nurses weren't in at my LLMD's yesterday and that my LLMD had a full client load).

It was in that moment I realized how much I love my LLMD. I spent 30 minutes in the waiting room. I spent another 10 minutes in the patient room (which is actually a really great time for this particular office .. once I fell asleep and two hours later ... I woke up ... I still hadn't been seen yet ... obviously) only to see the physician for a whopping THREE MINUTES! I even timed him as soon as the door opened. He took about a 5 second look at my ear .. and spent the rest of the time typing on his computer.

Oh and get this: So I have this other bump on my leg. I showed him that too (which he looked at for a whopping 5 seconds, but at least he FELT that). He told me (and I hadn't told him about my Lyme Diagnosis yet) ... it looks like a spot where a bug or tick may have bit my skin and maybe I didn't get it out all the way and the skin grew over it leaving a bump. It was at this point that I told him about my OCD about skin checking for moles, bumps and ticks because of my Lyme diagnosis.

As I explain that I am a little OCD about my skin and how I check myself every day and look at my moles every day .. and I know this one wasn't there before .. he blew me off and said, "these things pop up from time to time. Don't worry. Do you need something for anxiety?"

OMG .. I wanted to slap the man. Then he said if I wanted, he would slice it off to call and make an appointment for another time for him to do so. Yeah .. like I want a man who looked at my ear for 5 seconds "slicing" at my ear! I figured out that if I paid 20 bucks for the 3 minutes he was with me .. for a full hour (which is what I get at my LLMD's office) ... I would have paid ... 400 dollars.

So yeah, the mole is a little frustrating. It is very annoying and even somewhat painful and the doctor didn't take me seriously. Just thought I'd share a day in the life of a Lymie going to regular doctor.

Lyme in the News

My online friend Gretchen's family has been affected by Lyme. She was in the news on June 1st.

Photo provided by: http://www.goerie.com


Read the article written about Lyme and Gretchen.

The Worst Nightmare ~ Final Edition

So a few nights ago I had a horrible nightmare. I woke up in a sweat and a panic. Almost made a phone call to ensure it wasn't true. I believe in the hearts of all Lyme patients this dream is their worst nightmare.

So first I had a dream that I went up to my LLMD's office to make an appointment for my follow up and for my husband's first appointment. For some reason in my dream, I felt awful. I had a headache and was dizzy. I ran into my LLMD in the hallway and he told me that if I continued to feel this way then I should come in the next week for an IV. Well, I go back up front to pre-pay for my husband's appointment and realize I don't recognize the office staff.

At first I don't think anything of it since I hadn't been there in a while, but I then noticed that the office looked really empty and there were boxes everywhere. I ask about this and am informed that the office is CLOSING. I get so dizzy that I pass out in my dream and when I wake up I am being poked and prodded to get an IV started. Then these men came in looking at the office saying that soon they would be taking over and that we would not be able to get our treatments anymore.

I woke up in a panic. The Worst Nightmare!

PS. I have skipped the last few weeks of Not Me Monday, but stay tuned. I have a doozy of an Not Me Monday coming. OMG you all are going to either laugh or think "that's so sad."

The worst nightmare Part II

Haa haa. So the jokes on me today. I forgot to write out my worst nightmare!

So I suppose this will have to wait ... until I have time to write it. :D

Be patient my eager readers!

The worst nightmare

Laughter Lives Tuesday

This post is part of "Laughter Lives! Tuesday" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check our their blog to read everyone else's "Laughter Lives!" posts.





I saw this commercial today. Made me laugh. Had to share!

Clemson University Visit

I will not be posting pictures of Sarah's graduation unless I get permission from her first. I'm sorry about this, but her family's privacy is important to me.

So everyone knows I'm a HUGE UNC fan. I rarely spend (okay never) anytime on any other college campus other than Western Carolina and UNC. So it was quite interesting to go to another college campus. I took LOTS of photos.


This statue and I have a story. I sat down for the photo and when I went to stand up my dress got caught under his leg. He wouldn't let me get up! I said, "Sir I'm so terribly sorry, but I'm married. You'll have to be letting me go now." :o) Then once I was released I whispered to Rob that the statue was a pervert!



The Clemson Memorial Stadium. ~ ya know where they play football ~ and where marching bands perform! :P



I love clock towers! Here is Clemson's clock tower. It's *almost* as beautiful as UNC's & Westerns. *almost*



This post would be missing something if I didn't post about the university honoring our military. They had such a beautiful display by the clock tower.



And You might be a Blogger if .. you see this




and you think about ...

Later Gator and Hello Tigers!

So Friday morning, I will be taking a mini trip down to South Carolina. I rarely leave the area so some of you might be wondering why I'm taking a road trip outside the RTP area much less out of the state. A few weeks ago I received an invitation to go to someone's high school graduation. It's been years since I've attended a graduation and this someone is quite special.

My dear Lyme friend Sarah is 18 years old and lives in Upstate South Carolina. We've been friends almost since the beginning of my Lyme Diagnosis. Sarah also has Babesia and Bartonella. As if those things weren't bad enough on their own, Sarah also has: Hashimoto's Thyroid Disease, Tachybrady-Cardia, POTS syndrome, Gastroparesis, Poly-neuropathy, Degenerative Disk Disorder, nerve damage to vagus nerve, and now Chiari 1 Malformation has been added to the list.

And my friend can now add "High School Graduate" to the list! On Saturday morning, I will get to see her receive her diploma. I will finally get to meet the friend I've been talking to the last two years.

Congratulations Sarah. I can't wait to meet you.

P.S. Curious about the Title? I'm going to be headed to Clemson South Carolina. The home of the Clemson Tigers!

Small Victories

Most people think that bad days help remind them of how good their good days are. Not me, I'm the opposite. Whenever I have a really great day, I'm reminded about how bad I had it before and it makes me feel blessed. I have come so far in the last 2 years and 3 months since starting Lyme treatment. I am honestly shocked by how well I am doing. I must keep pressing on with transitional treatment or I could slip back into Lyme Oblivion, but honestly I feel better today than I have in YEARS. I almost feel better today than I have since HIGH SCHOOL (I graduated High School nearly 14 years ago).

About a year ago, I tried starting to work out again. I went to ONE Step Aerobics class and left after 15 minutes. I decided it wasn't worth the pain, not the blistering pain I felt in my muscles, joints and lungs. For Christmas, I purchased a Wii for my husband. For our birthdays, my parents bought us a Wii Fit! We used it a lot, but repetative stuff does get boring after a while so I was looking for something to alternate with the Wii Fit. When I saw the Wii had a new exercise program I was all for it. I researched it and heard good things.

Wii Sports Active has a 30 day challenge on it. I have completed 6 days of exercising and I have stuck with Low impact things. I didn't want to press myself too much too quickly. I must say that other than the normal aches and pains of muscles being used that haven't been used in YEARS ..... I am pain free!

Praise God for Huge Victories: I AM PAIN FREE!

Here's an old photo for you to enjoy. This was taken during one of our snows this year and after my big hair cut.

Living the Lyme Life (bump)

**Updated** June 14, 2009***

I noticed that there might be a few new folks learning about my journey. Go to these old blogs to see how far I've come. I update it every so often after writing a post that is relevant to my health.


My Diagnosis
My Therapy
A day in the life of a treatment
My PICC Line Story Part 1
My PICC Line Story Part 2
Grey's PICC Line Story
November 15, 2008 Update
Mercury Toxicity (My Mercury test came back negative)
Living the Lyme Life Post
Aluminum Toxicity
PICC Line Removal
Two weeks post PICC
Two year anniversary plus supplements
March 15, 2009 Update
Post PICC Pics
Conflicted Lymie
CDC Positive Test Results
Ups and down of Lyme
Live Blood Cell of Rob & Me
Previous Photos of me
Small Victories
Curious Lymies goes to the doc

There ya go. The most important health blogs all in one place! Enjoy reading if you've not read them before.

Forgiveness *again*

This was written in October of 08 ...

The past few weeks I have been thinking about a very complex subject. The issue of forgiveness has been on my mind a lot the last few years and even more so in the last couple of weeks. The very definition of forgiving is the process of letting go resentment. It doesn't necessarily mean that you give absolution to the person that evoked the feelings in the first place. To me, it just means that you are taking a stand to let go of these emotions (whether it's anger, resentment, betrayal or other feelings).

In my life time, I have seen people who forgive easily and those that hold onto grudges for a long time. I have always thought of myself as a very forgiving person. A few months ago, I realized that statement might not be true. It's scary to think that my heart & my brain don't want to let go of resentment. In my past, I forgave easily. Someone stood me up, the words easily parted my lips ... "It's okay. I forgive you." Someone didn't call me when they said they would, "No big deal." Someone was very late, "Not a problem."

Some where along the line between then and now, it has become a serious problem. Someone is late and it makes me mad. Not only that day, but the anger lasts for days. Someone doesn't call and it makes me sad. Sometimes for just the moment and sometimes for days. Someone stands me up ... and I'm both angry and sad at the same time. Someone hurts someone else I'm close to and that resentment lasts for years.

I have a few very close friends. Those friends have been hurt by others. I think I felt more resentment and anger towards the hurter months later than even my friends than were hurt. How could someone hurt someone else so deeply? I read the other day that just the simple act of forgiveness can relieve many health problems. According to the Mayo Clinic, the act of forgiveness can reduce blood pressure, reduce stress, lower heart rate, reduce chronic pain and many other things.

In the past week, I have chosen to let go of resentment of at least one person and I'm in the process of trying to forgive another. Not only is it healthy, but there are many passages in the bible on forgiveness. Here is one that I found.

Ephesians 4:31 You must put away every kind of bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and evil, slanderous talk. 4:32 Instead, be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.

So pray that I can forgive those that need forgiveness even if they don't ask.

Never Fails

I jinx myself EVERY single time. A few people were talking about insomnia today. I said, "Oh I never get that. I go lie down and within minutes I'm sound asleep."

Hmph. It's 1:51 in the morning and here I am ... WIDE AWAKE! I knew I was going to have a problem when I was "wide awake" at 11pm. I forced myself to lie down at Midnight and after my "go to sleep" CD had run through 6 times, I knew it was time to get back up for a few minutes at least. So here I am, checking out my blogs ... checking out facebook .. randomly emailing people.

Found some old friends on Facebook today. It's always interesting to find old friends. The "oldest" friend I found a while back was a friend from Elementary School. I haven't seen some of those peeps since the end of 6th grade. This was one of them. The friends I found today (well I suppose this is yesterday by now) ... they were college friends. One of them was a very special friend. Met this friend in my very first class at college and I haven't seen him since graduation December of 1999. I haven't heard anything from or about him in just as long. It was a nice surprise.

Sometimes Facebook recommends people that you "might know." Sometimes those people bring a smile to my face and .. I think, "HOW did you know that I knew that person?" Such is the case with this friend. He & I have no "mutual" friends. So odd that facebook would connect us together. The other times I think, "Oh Dear I hope Facebook isn't suggesting me to this person ... I'm going to hit ignore and hope not." So far those people haven't asked me to be their friends. Maybe I need to learn how to "hit ignore" more often. I wish I could "hit ignore" for my brain right now so I can go to sleep.

So now you all have been "tired" posted! Have a great June everybody!