I'm sure if any of you reading has a tick borne illness you will completely understand the point of this post. I have OCD. I am sure some of you are thinking, "Now Jennifer ... I have seen your house. You are NOT OCD." While others are merely scratching your heads pondering where this post is headed. So I think an introduction is in order.
Hi, my name is Jennifer (insert Hi Jennifer) and I have OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is an anxiety disorder characterized by involuntary intrusive thoughts. When the person acknowledges these thoughts, it develops anxiety based on the dread that something bad will happen. So then they are compelled to do voluntary irrational actions that are time consuming to diminish the anxiety. What is my OCD you ask? What is my fear? What is my voluntary action? I believe you all know where this post is now heading.
My fear is my reality ~ my fear is that I would become infected with a new strain of a tick borne illness. My Voluntary Action is to check my body over and over for ticks. I do this every morning and every evening without failure. I check my body during every shower and every moment I get. Every little "tickle" produces fear in my soul that another little blood sucking creature has latched on.
The past week I have become less rigid on my fear of tick checking. I mean I am still checking, but the FEAR had subsided. However, these fears have invaded my self-conscious. I keep having vivid nightmares about these tiny arachnids. I just had on Sunday morning in fact. Most mornings when I wake up from my little arachnid dreams ... I immediately check myself over. I have this "irrational fear" that my dreams mean that it's really happening. Therefore, a tick check is immediately in order.
So Sunday morning, I woke from this dream and decided, "You know what. I am NOT going to let this dream control my life. I'm going on about my business and I am NOT going to do a tick check just because I dreamed about a spider and ticks." So I gingerly went to the computer and started my day. OCD will NOT control my life. The FEAR will not consume me.
I went to the bathroom for my morning routines and when I sat down on the toilet .. guess what I saw? After I screamed bloody murder, I realized that I have to have this OCD. There was a big ole fat Lone Star Tick attached sucking away! So you tell me, is my OCD (my daily tick checking ritual) irrational? The very moment I don't do this "irrational behavior" I find a tick sucking away at my flesh and blood! Of course after my husband so kindly removed the tick with a pair of tweezers and sealed in in a plastic bag just in case we need to test it later on, we performed a thorough tick check on the both of us. I fear this will be my daily OCD the rest of my life. How can I live through such fear? Every tickle causes me to look.
Who else does this? Am I alone or do the other sufferers of LD do this to? It's insane to "normal" people, but isn't it actually SANE to check? Or am I so far gone into the insanity that I don't realize that this isn't sane?
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4 comments:
Now you have me checking Jennifer. So sorry about the tick! I am never checking and we have a dog so I should I guess....it just is not as bad here as in your part of the world....YET.
Hang in there..
Maybe I should start checking myself. I never do. I grew up in eastern Washington state. They didn't have ticks there back then -- and still don't. Lucky them! Now, I live in Texas near Ft. Worth. There are ticks around but have only seen 1 the whole time I've been here this go-around. It's been 3 years. Probably should be more vigilant about it. Thanks for the nudge! And keep checking yourself. If I lived on the east coast I'd probably be checking 3 times a day!!
Renee & Kara .. so what you're saying is that I'm the only freak! :D I'm totally kidding.
I bet Washington State has ticks. You just don't know it. And just b/c you've only seen one in 3 years doesn't mean they aren't there (and/or attaching). Think about all those people that have this disease that NEVER saw a tick.
Okay, first let me say...
Hello I'm Monkey Girl (hello Monkey Girl!) I have OCD. There with that said I can continue.
You are not alone. Granted I had certain OCD issues before Lyme however I've taken it to a whole new level baby. Tick checks, feel like my skin is crawling,etc...And honestly, many people in our Lyme Support Group have the same fear...I think it's completely normal.
Now to the second point.
Kara my dear, there ARE ticks in Eastern (and Western) Washington. One a my docs who is on my lyme support team of doctors used to practice in Eastern Washington for many years. He told me that when he practiced in E. Wash when he tried to report positive lyme cases to public health and CDC they would come down on him like a ton of bricks...telling him, "there are no ticks in Eastern Washington, only Western Washington". Then when he moved his practice to the Seattle area and started seeing new lyme patients and needed to report to county health and the CDC they said, "There are no ticks in Western Washington only Eastern Washington". You get my point.
Ticks are all over Washington, please take precautions!
I'm so sorry Jennifer!! I'll keep my fingers crossed that it's not a lyme tick. I would have freaked out. My worst nightmare come true...again.
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