Monday, August 31, 2009

Senate Bill Update and good news

Remember this post about Senators & Senate Bill 958.

I have wonderful news. Senate Bill 958 in NC has passed, been ratified and signed by Governor Purdue.

There were a total of 6 "votings". First was a vote to amend the bill. It passed 48 to 0 in the Senate. Then there was a 2nd reading in the Senate. It passed 47 to 1. They amended it a 2nd time and the amendment passed 44 to 0. The third reading passed 42 to 1. It went to the House and passed the second reading there with a vote of 110 to 0 and the Senate passed it with a vote of 47 to 0 to send to the Governor's desk for signing.

As you may recall, I sent out letters to all the North Carolina Senators and even visited Congress to speak to representatives about the bill before it even had an assigned number.

If you want to see the Ratified Bill, look here.

I am so stoked. I say Jennifer 1 Naysayers 0

Thank you all Senators & House of Representatives of North Carolina that are reading my blog. I appreciate you saying yes to the bill about disciplinary proceedings of the NC medical board. Thank you so much.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Quiet Month of August

Here are some synonyms for the word quiet:

"buttoned up, clammed up, close-mouthed, could hear a pin drop, hushed, inaudible, low-pitched, muffled, muted, noiseless, not saying boo, peaceful, quieted, reserved, secretive, silent, soft, soundless, speechless, stilled, tight-lipped, uncommunicative, unexpressed, nonspeaking, and whist."

I feel like this month, I have been reserved and uncommunicative. The bad days in August outweighed the good. That is extremely upsetting for me as I have had pretty good months since February. My husband had his appointment yesterday and we have two different views on how it went. I left feeling pretty rotten about the whole appointment and he left uplifted. Just goes to show you how different we are. Let's just make it succinct to say that he will be getting 6 IV's which will hopefully take care of a deficiency he has.

The good of the IV's will be that he *should* get more energy and it should bring up some nutritional levels that are really low. Since he's never had an IV before, our nurses should have no problems getting a vein. That will be very beneficial for him. The bad of the IV's is that we are finally *almost* out of the woods with my debts because of the things we've had to do financially. In September, he'll have 4 IV's. In October, he'll have 2 IV's and we'll both have follow ups. This doesn't include the financial burden of all new supplements for both of us. He says we'll make it and I just get really nervous and "clammed up." The other bad part is that these will take 4 hours out of his Saturdays. Fortunately my doctor's office is open on Saturdays, but who wants to spend their Saturday's at the doctors. Not to mention, these IV's are similiar to ones that I received at the beginning of my treatment. I know what they did to me and I fear they will do the same to him. I was able to be awake enough to drive home, but as soon as I got home I fell asleep for hours. They gave me tremendous headaches and he's already got those with the new medicine for Candida.

Speaking of Candida,
He's already feeling the effects of Candida Treatment and he's talking about things I talked about 2 years ago. I think we found the bulk of his problem. Not Lyme, but Yeast. I won't even go to all the Cardiac problems we think (know) he has. It's too scary to think about. The good news is that he's lost many pounds of weight since his last visit. We're headed towards the right direction.

Now on to me:
I have yet to start my LDN and I just get so nervous when I start new things. I need to just suck it up and take it, but the fear of the unknown has had me stalling for the last week and a half. I got one part of my blood work back and 3 of the numbers are out of range and 3 of the numbers are close to out of range. I have a fear that this means he'll want some IV work again on me. Two of us on IV's at the same time? There is NO WAY. I fear what the other blood work will show, but am grateful that they were able to show me the things that have come back.

So when do we go back?

The hubby goes back the first Saturday after Labor Day and goes for 6 Saturdays. On his 5th Saturday, I have my follow up appointment. On his 6th Saturday, I have my follow up appointment. I speculate we will both have bloods after that and then go back in 6 to 8 weeks unless we both are in need of IV's still at that point.

And PICC is a 4 letter word that I don't ever want to see again. Neither is PORT. The doctor says "IV" and those are the two four letter words that come straight to my mind. Well you might ask, "Well you've not had a PICC since February and prior to that no IV insertions since July of 08, why would it automatically mean PICC? Aren't your veins healing?" Well let me tell you a lil story.

A bit after my PICC was removed, they drew blood. You would think that after 7 months of no IV insertions or no regular blood draws that this would be a simple task. Uh no it wasn't. It was absolutely one of the worst experiences that I've had thus far. That was in February of this year. Fast Forward to August 19th. Keep in mind, I hadn't had an IV stick in over a year and I had only had blood drawn ONE time in over a year. The other times were through my PICC line.

I prepare for the blood draw by drinking LOTS of water. I see the Phlebotnist and warn her that I can be quite difficult to stick. Now in the last 3 years, I have yet to meet a Phlebotnist that could get me on the first stick. So I had high expectations of my dear friend who had never had the pleasure of drawing blood from me because only a qualified nurse can draw blood out of a PICC. She promised me it would be simple and easy and that the 13 vials of blood would be a piece of cake!

Because I have passed out in the past and I knew that I had passed out on a "simple" 8 vial draw, I requested to go to my old PICC room so that I could lie down if necessary. She gets things set up and says "Oh there is a beautiful vein." I do my breathing when the lady jabs me so hard that I felt my ears pulsing. She says she got it and starts filling the tubes. The whole time I'm praying, "keep flowing blood .. keep flowing" because I know what happens every time.

The blood always stops after 3/4 of a vial and then they have to jiggle the needle to squeeze blood out of turnip and it always turns into .. "Oh I have to pull this one and try again." Uh yeah it happened again. Two of them were pulling and prodding my arm trying to get the blood to come out, but in the end they pulled the needle and were ready to start again. I told them to go on to the next easy stick and come back to me later. They left me with my heating pad and water. The RN (whom I absolutely love) came back and said she'd work on finding the right vein for the blood draw. We worked together and finally found one.

After an hour, I finally left. Now I still have a small bruise on my arm where they manhandled me to try to get blood. SO you can see why when they say IV .. I think PICC.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

My music

I love music. I love to hear music and I love to sing music (despite those around me saying .. who sings that song? Oh that's right, it's not YOU). :o)

So what's on my play list? Look them up. Some are fun and funky, silly & stupid, some I just love to sing and others well ... it's my music list. :o)

Lift Me Up by Kate Voegele
Breathe 2am by Anna Nalick
Why Can't I? by Liz Phair
A Static Lullaby's cover for Toxic by Brittney Spears (yes I know I know, but I said fun & funky remember)
I Want a New Drug by Huey Lewis & the News
Apologize by One Republic
I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace
Amazing by Janelle
Beautiful as You by All 4 One
Love of my Life by Jim Brickman
Mr. Sandman by The Chordettes
You Gotta Be by Des'ree

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Back in the day

So my recollection of my childhood comes in spurts. And today I had wonderful memory. Two words: Charlie Brown.

Not the TV Show, but the song! No, I'm not old enough to have heard this when it came out, but my Dad had all these LP's and this was one I listened to over and over again. There's no telling how many needles we broke listening to this one record.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Glutton for punishment part 2

Was I glutton for punishment yesterday or did I turn out just fine. Well I have yet to determine the punishment of yesterday, but I will say I had a wonderful time at both (yes I said both) parties. How did I tackle each item on my list? What list you ask? The list of things of why I would have said no.

1. Driving to both places and getting lost:

Driving to Kellie's was a breeze. I've been there before so that made it easy. I came across another problem that I had to handle though. On my way there, I called Kellie to let her know that I was indeed coming. She warned me about the rain. Okay when she said rain, I thought it was just the standard rain. No this was a torrential downpour! Every single car had on their flashing lights and many were pulled off the side of the road. When I could, I made an exit to get gas and stayed there until the rain subsided a bit.

Driving back to the 2nd party wasn't as easy as I had anticipated, but I only made one wrong turn. Or rather I didn't turn when I was supposed to. There wasn't a sign for the street I was supposed to turn on so after I got all the way to the end of the road and turned around, I took a chance that the unmarked street was the street I needed to take knowing that if I made it down the street more than 1 mile that it wasn't the street. I had all but decided if it wasn't the street I was going back home. I found the guy's house easily. :o)

2. People and feeling at ease.

At Kellie's, I was immediately put at ease. After all, I did know some of her family from when I was in HS so it wasn't that I was in a situation where I only knew the hostess. My plan was to stay for a couple of hours and go home. I had so much fun that I wound up staying well past when I needed to have left. I didn't leave until past 4. This would put me being late to the other party, but I was having so much fun laughing that I didn't want to leave.

At the HS party, it took me a bit to feel at ease. However, I'm glad I toughed it out the first few awkward 30 minutes. If I had chosen to leave, I wouldn't have seen some of my very good friends. I won't list these friends, but it was nice for them to see me being myself! In HS I was extremely anti-social. I was an observer not much of a talker. I found myself walking from groups to groups (aka Cliches) actively participating in conversation last night. Most of the people there last night didn't really know about my health condition and the ones that did told me I looked marvelous!

As far as confined spaces, no one there had an obvious cold or illness. Hopefully, I will be able to keep my immune system in check. If I don't, I had such a good time that I don't care! :o)

3. Skipping my supplements.

I did it and I don't care! It was nice not taking a single thing in the day.

4. Fashion on both hands: I had not planned on wearing a dress. I'm not so much of a dress wearer, but for Kellie's party I wanted to wear my new dress. After all, I don't go to many events where a dress could be worn. So I wore my beautiful brown/white sun dress. :) Because I left Kellie's party so late, there was no time to change into the pair of capris and shirt I was going to wear. So I went straight to the HS reunion party in my dress. I got a whole lot of compliments on my clothes. I am so unused to that. It was such an odd feeling being asked where did I get the dress and it was so cute! It felt really good to be wearing something that fit in with what everyone else was wearing. I think I'm learning! :o)

5. Lyme rearing it's ugly little head. I only had a very few symptoms yesterday. One was losing my balance at the 2nd party on a number of occasions. I was embarrassed, but hope it didn't show. Fortunately, only one person said a word about my loss of balance. That person said it out of caring even though he doesn't know about my illness. He jokingly said I should "get that checked out" or "maybe you shouldn't be driving home" insinuating I must have had one too many (yeah for the record I didn't drink at all at the 2nd party .. not even regular drinks b/c I wasn't for certain that they weren't spiked ... which they weren't).

Bottom line is that I had so much fun. I left my house a little after 9am yesterday morning. I got to kellie's about 11:30. I didn't leave Kellie's until about 4:30 and arrived at the reunion about 6:45. I had only planned on staying an hour at the max. Uh yeah I didn't leave until past 12:35. I didn't get home until 1:05 this morning.

Some people knew exactly who I was and others were struggling for recognition. So that was quite funny because I knew they were remembering the interior/exterior of the girl I was and how could I possibly be her. I even heard, "There is NO way that you are that girl." OMG I almost wanted to crawl in a hole, but I didn't!

And I don't even know about pictures. I didn't take a single photo at the 2nd party. So we'll see if anyone posts them later.

This was my favorite photo of the night that someone else took. These are two of my friends from High School. One was a girl that I talked to often and the other is a guy that I had in a couple of classes. Spent the majority of time last night hopping from group to group, but I had my best time with these two!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

What am I thinking?

I am glutton for punishment. Remember my friend Kellie? Last year we went to a HS football game and then we headed to Western Carolina for my Alumni Band Weekend. Go pester her to update her blog more often. :o ) But, I digress.

A while back, Kellie emailed me and invited me to her college graduation party. Let's break down these three words: College. A place where people go to get educated. Graduation: a word indicating that said person has gained such education. Party: A gathering of people invited by the host (aka Kellie) for socializing, conversing and recreation. But, I digress.

So I was invited to this college graduation party by Kellie for Kellie in honor of ... you guessed it ... KELLIE! Let me digress again. Kellie is not only a candidate for college graduation, but Kellie is a wife, mother, hostess of parties*, a marvelous friend ** and a generous person. To tell you all the things that Kellie has done for her family would take an entire blog post in and of itself, but I digress.

Kellie invited me to her college graduation party. Whenever I am invited anywhere I weigh the pros and cons of going to said functions and more times than not, I choose not to go. The cons (more times than not) always outweigh the pros. As much as I adore my friends, my health comes first and in most cases invitations generally are counter productive. Let's discuss the cons of this (and more times than not MOST invitations):

1. I would have to drive there. This is a 2 hour plus drive in which I will probably get lost at least once. 2. There will be people there that I both know and don't know. This would cause a potential for illness next week since there will be a huge amount of people in a confined space. 3. I would have to skip my noon supplements. This could also compromise my immune system. 4. I get very nervous around people ~ even people I know. Lyme is a very intense lil bug and sometimes it causes me embarrassing problems. I get nervous that those problems are going to rear their little heads and cause me to be extremely awkward. 5. I have to figure out what to wear! I never know whether or not I am fashionable and can be extremely embarassing to walk into a room full of people who are wearing jeans and a tshirt and I'm wearing a dress. OR the opposite. I walk into a room full of people who are wearing dressed up fashion forward clothing and I'm wearing jeans, khakis or worse yet .. sweatpants! But I digress!

I am sure that many of you can understand those cons for me as I'm sure that many of you have the same cons. Some of you can't even begin to accept invitations because of your physical limitiations so I'm sure that you are jealous that I could even consider going. But I digress!

I am headed to Kellie's graduation party as soon as I can figure out what I need to wear and print out maps to her house. I can't wait to see her family and friends. I haven't seen some of these people in probably 15 years. And 15 years ago, some of these people meant the world to me. But I digress!

So back to the glutton for punishment thing. About the same time as Kellie's invitation arrived, I received another invitation for a big class reunion. This "reunion" is a gathering of some HS friends that graduated between 94 and 98. I said, "maybe" but really thought I would say no when it came down to it. After all .. see reasons 1 to 5. And add one more. When I was in HS, I was NOT fashionable at all. These people (yes my friends and some not so much) judged me for what I wore. Why would I want to spend time with people who will probably judge me for what I wear now? Then I thought, why the heck do I care what they think? Why let one or two people spoil the fun for me? So unless something happens between now and 6pm tonight, I plan on going to this 2nd party. That's right. Two parties in one day. I am glutton for punishment, but I digress!

* see note above for defination of party
** click the link to "Western Carolina" above for defination of marvelous friend

Sunday, August 16, 2009

All Quiet on the Western Front

In chapter 7 of this novel, it is stated:

Just as we turn into animals when we go up to the line . . . so we turn into wags and loafers when we are resting. . . . We want to live at any price; so we cannot burden ourselves with feelings which, though they may be ornamental enough in peacetime, would be out of place here. Kemmerich is dead, Haie Westhus is dying . . . Martens has no legs anymore, Meyer is dead, Max is dead, Beyer is dead, Hammerling is dead . . . it is a damnable business, but what has it to do with us now—we live

I have been all quiet on the blog front because I didn't want to admit what I have been feeling to spare my readers the gory details of my life. In the last week, I have been battling my emotional baggage. How do I mix the medical life with my personal life? How do I work around all of the medical jargon in order have any sort of personal life? If I ignore the personal stuff, my own sanity suffers. If I ignore the medical stuff, my own body suffers. How do I combine the two in order to maintain my health and maintain my sanity?

I just don't know how to do that yet.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Public Health Alert Article

A few months ago the editor Public Health Alert contacted me about whether I might be interested in writing an article for the newspaper. I hesitated at first, but then found an old blog post that I thought would be perfect. I tweaked it a bit and without further ado check it out on the Public Health Alert website. My article entitled "Taking Back My Life" is on page 9.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Keep your eyes open

Keep your eyes open at this website specifically for the September 2009 Newsletter. If you're not familiar with that website, it's the "web" version of a publication that is put out by many people. It educates people about chronic illnesses including Lyme Disease and other tick borne illness.

This is a "newspaper" that can be viewed online or can be purchased if you wish to have a paper version of it. It's only 30 dollars a year for 12 issues. You can also purchase in bulk past issues for 12 dollars for a box (I believe there are 50 in each box) to pass around at medical offices.

Keep your eye out for the next issue. I think you'll find something you've seen before!


This week's theme on the blog hop is favorite photos. Well I have a few I'd love to share! :)

First up: A very old picture when I was only 10 years old in the 4th grade.

All Together now ... Let's say it! *awwwwwwww*

Next up is from Atlantic Beach Trip. :o) Some of my favorite photos ever were on this trip.

MckLinky Blog Hop

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Supplement Strategy

So when you have tons of supplements to take, you begin to develop strategies to take them so that you get them all in. I have been really slack on all my supplements lately so I needed a new strategy so that it would be easier to locate exactly what I needed to take when I needed to take them. I wanted to share because well it's so super fabulous!

I had this thought of color coding all the bottles so that I would know which bottle I needed to pick up for what time (example would be that one bottle might have a red, blue and purple sticker indicating I might take it for afternoon, dinner and bed). Off to Target I went to find something. It was then I discovered a massive pill organizer with the colors Red, Blue, Green and Purple on it.

The idea was coming into my mind very quickly. I ran walked over to the school supply section which was quite the madhouse (considering in NC it's tax free weekend AND back to school time). I found these simple stickies that I thought I could make work. And guess what colors it came in? Red, Blue, Green and Purple (plus yellow too).

I had already written out a chart as to which one I'd have to take upon waking, as soon as I got home, at dinner and at bedtime. So I brought out one bottle at a time and studied the pill organizer. I realized I would need to take that one 2 times a day. So I found the color sticky that matched the pill organizer slot it would go in and slapped that sticky right on top! I then went ahead and put all capsules in the slot for the week. Then I went on to the next bottle.

Here is what it looked like: The bottles in front and the ones I also have to take first thing in the morning when I wake, but I can't fit those things in the pill organizer. I just color coded them as if they would go into the organizer. :o)

Here is what my box of supplements looks like:

Also have a couple in the fridge.

And I also got a little shopping therapy while I was out and about (since it was Tax Free weekend and all). I got this really cute dress (but my face was really really hideous so I chopped my head off).

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Bree got LungS!

I don't know the details, but Bree got her call and lung transplant today.

Bree's Blog

This couldn't have come at a better time for Bree. She was really struggling. On Tuesday's blog, she wrote this, "This 21% lung function business is really no jokes. I can't do much anymore. I just sit here, and i read, and thankfully since I am small I don't take up too much space, so that's a plus."

and on Wednesday she wrote, "
And i know the same for myself. Because when I think life is impossible, the moment will come when it is possible, and in the blink of an eye, my world will change even though I thought that no one was watching or noticing."

I found it out on Alice's Blog.

Pray for Bree and pray for the donor's family. As much joy as I am sure Bree's family felt to receive such a gift, there is another family who is grieving today. Please know when you read Bree's blog that Bree does not mince words. She tells it like it is to live life with chronic illness that's only chance of breathing is a double lung transplant.

Follow Up Appointment

I would suggest that most Lyme patients have other "issues" that can cause symptoms to arise. These other things for me are Nutrient Deficiencies, Adrenal Weakness, Low Normal Natural Killer Cells, Heavy Metal Toxicity, parasites and potentially low iron.

When I got to my LLMD the first time, we discussed the markers for Lyme Disease. I had joint pain in unspecified areas (it jumped around), fatigue & malaise, sleep disturbance, memory loss,
history of tick bite with bulls eye rash and a positive response to antibiotics. In February of this year, I got a CDC positive test result in the IgeneX Western Blot IgM. In the next two weeks, I will be having another test to see how LabCorp views my Lyme tests. The state of North Carolina only thinks that you have Lyme Disease IF a "normal" lab pings positive results. They also want the results within 30 days of the lab AND I seem to recall that they prefer both IgM and IgG to be CDC positive. So I'm crossing fingers that my LabCorp test will ping a positive result.

I've been taking an enzyme called Nattoserrazime. It's a blend of two potent enzymes which is used for cardiovascular, anti-inflammatory, respiratory and immune support. The benefit to this is that it supposedly helps ward off bacterial infections and supports immune health. I am also on EDTA. EDTA binds to metals in the body and helps you get rid of them. It binds to even good minerals so in order to ensure that it's not taking out too many good minerals I will have to be taking a "Trace Minerals." However, I have to make sure that I take it far enough away from the EDTA or it will just be wasted money (IE it will bind to the Trace Mineral and take IT out of my body instead of any heavy metals). I will also be taking Curcumin (Ker Kume In). It's believed to also have an anti-inflammatory and antioxidant effects. It may stimulate the immune system as well. Lastly on the Lyme front, I will be taking Paracide Juglans. This stuff is NASTY! I don't know exactly what it does, but I do know that it also helps kill parasites.

Because of all of the above, I will be having a nutritional panel taken the same day as the Lyme test. EDTA will be a 2 month supplement. Parasides will end as soon as I finish the bottle (*yeah*). Since the beginning of my treatment, my adrenal cortisol levels have been consistantly going down. This is NOT good. So they will test my cortisol levels to see where they are and I will continue addrenal support.

Last time I was tested, my Natural Killer cells were in the low end of normal. I am to order something called Low Dose Naltrexone. Originally Naltrexone was invented to help drug and alcohol addicts. Well it became clear that it seemed to help immune functions and a while back a doctor studied this and realized that in a very small dose ~ it helped improve immune functions quite a bit. Low Dose Naltrexone has been used successfully in Cancer and HIV/AIDS patients and more recently they've been using it on those with bacterial infections (like Lyme Disease). I would be taking 4.5 MG of this LDN at bedtime to help raise my natural killer cells. (I believe that the dose they use for addicts if 50 mg .. so you can see it's truly a very low dose).

Because my Chelation proved that I had some heavy metals, I will be having a test to see if it has caused any damage. This test will be done about the same time as my blood work. We're also going to really check out my Ferritin levels because some symptoms I've been having the last few weeks have been indicative of Low Iron levels. I will start Iron supplements as soon as my blood test has been completed.

On my supplement list:

Adrenal Cortex
Cod Liver Oil
EDTA (total of 2 months)
Liver Drainage
Methyl B12
Total B
Vitamin C
Paracide (finish bottle)
Iron Plex
Trace Minerals
I have more, but those are on my list sent home today!

Tests coming up: (August 19)
Comprehensive Metabolic Panel
Natural Killer Cells
Lipid Panel
Vitamin D (25)
Zinc Plasma
CD 57
Lyme IgG and IgM
Several types of Urine testing.
Spectracell Nutrient Testing

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Exciting News Ahead

Well it's exciting for me anyways! and NO I am not pregnant! *stop thinking it*

You'll have to be patient about this upcoming news, but I will say that someone liked one of my blog posts a lot!

I'm ecstatic and I want to share, but I can be patient. :) Can't you? No? .. well too bad. You'll have to be patient anyways. :)

No amount of begging, pleading or coercing will be able to allow me to share. :o)

Monday, August 3, 2009

Got on the Merry Go Round

My first day at the new center went beautifully. There were a few things that made me feel uneasy, but I just went ahead about my day and ignored the few things that bothered me.

Hope tomorrow goes even better.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Ever Experience

** I will be rewriting this for Lyme Disease **

One of those Merry Go Rounds like this?

I'd like for you guys to go with me on this ride for a moment. Drop all thoughts on how you've ever felt on a ride like this and RIDE WITH ME. You're on it and someone is spinning it round and round. While you're on the ride, you might feel dizzy & nauseated.

This Merry Go Round represents my career. For the last four weeks, I've been holding on dearly for my life onto those black handles. It's been spinning faster and faster. I've felt a variety of things.

Emotions of staying on the Merry Go Round:

Pride: for staying on the ride for almost 5 years without falling off. Jealousy: for others that have easily transitioned off without showing emotions. Fear: fear of falling off the ride and getting hurt. Sadness: knowing that soon the ride will stop and we won't be able to go back. Surprised: when I get through the day without tears and how strong I've become. Anger: That the corporate office chose OUR Merry Go Round to replace.

Distress: about meeting new people on another Merry Go Round and their acceptance of me. Happiness: that I've been able to remain on the ride and remember the good times. Guilt: that others haven't been able to remain on the ride. Love: a reminder that I love teaching children and love everyone I work with. Overwhelming Urge to Vomit: because this ride is spinning so fast. Laughter: when doing something so silly because the loneliness has become overwhelming. Tears: have fallen freely because the Merry Go Round that was full of laughter and excitement is now empty.

Pain: Physical and Emotional Pain of closing down the Merry Go Round. Dizziness: Everything is going around so fast that I just feel unsteady on my feet. Loneliness: There are so few people left on the ride that it's just so lonesome.

Now suddenly this Merry GO Round STOPS! I'm thrown off the ride and on Monday I start spinning at the other Merry GO Round.

I'm terrified, excited, worried and happy all at the same time. I am terrified that the new people won't accept me for me. I am excited to be working with old friends (and even some new ones).
I am worried that my needs won't be met and that I'm about to fall to the bottom of the totem pole. I am happy to be teaching again!

I am truly most excited about getting to teach children again. I haven't taught in three weeks. That is a LONG time not to do what you love in life. I have to get back on the Merry Go Round and let my boss start spinning me again! Maybe this time I won't feel so overwhelmed as the last time almost 5 years ago when my Merry Go Round suddenly stopped. After all, I will be able to go visit the old Merry Go Round all next week. I don't think it will have completely shut down shop just quite yet.

Please pray for peace and calmness. Please pray for acceptance. Please pray that I won't relapse because of all the change. I am terrified of a relapse.