Ever Experience

** I will be rewriting this for Lyme Disease **

One of those Merry Go Rounds like this?



I'd like for you guys to go with me on this ride for a moment. Drop all thoughts on how you've ever felt on a ride like this and RIDE WITH ME. You're on it and someone is spinning it round and round. While you're on the ride, you might feel dizzy & nauseated.

This Merry Go Round represents my career. For the last four weeks, I've been holding on dearly for my life onto those black handles. It's been spinning faster and faster. I've felt a variety of things.

Emotions of staying on the Merry Go Round:

Pride: for staying on the ride for almost 5 years without falling off. Jealousy: for others that have easily transitioned off without showing emotions. Fear: fear of falling off the ride and getting hurt. Sadness: knowing that soon the ride will stop and we won't be able to go back. Surprised: when I get through the day without tears and how strong I've become. Anger: That the corporate office chose OUR Merry Go Round to replace.

Distress: about meeting new people on another Merry Go Round and their acceptance of me. Happiness: that I've been able to remain on the ride and remember the good times. Guilt: that others haven't been able to remain on the ride. Love: a reminder that I love teaching children and love everyone I work with. Overwhelming Urge to Vomit: because this ride is spinning so fast. Laughter: when doing something so silly because the loneliness has become overwhelming. Tears: have fallen freely because the Merry Go Round that was full of laughter and excitement is now empty.

Pain: Physical and Emotional Pain of closing down the Merry Go Round. Dizziness: Everything is going around so fast that I just feel unsteady on my feet. Loneliness: There are so few people left on the ride that it's just so lonesome.

Now suddenly this Merry GO Round STOPS! I'm thrown off the ride and on Monday I start spinning at the other Merry GO Round.

I'm terrified, excited, worried and happy all at the same time. I am terrified that the new people won't accept me for me. I am excited to be working with old friends (and even some new ones).
I am worried that my needs won't be met and that I'm about to fall to the bottom of the totem pole. I am happy to be teaching again!

I am truly most excited about getting to teach children again. I haven't taught in three weeks. That is a LONG time not to do what you love in life. I have to get back on the Merry Go Round and let my boss start spinning me again! Maybe this time I won't feel so overwhelmed as the last time almost 5 years ago when my Merry Go Round suddenly stopped. After all, I will be able to go visit the old Merry Go Round all next week. I don't think it will have completely shut down shop just quite yet.

Please pray for peace and calmness. Please pray for acceptance. Please pray that I won't relapse because of all the change. I am terrified of a relapse.