Prayers

There are lots of things to be praying for other than my health. There are things that are in my heart that I don't feel comfortable saying out-loud to anyone other than my husband so if you would pray simply that everything that is on Jennifer's heart and mind would be eased soon that would be fabulous. If I can, I will share later on. However right now it's on a need to know basis and no one else really needs to know.

On the other front, I am going to see my LLMD today. I had a deep discussion with his assistant when I popped in on Wednesday regarding my headache. We talked about the controversy of Lyme Disease and how Lyme doctors are so rare. She told me that sometimes she gets phone calls and the person whispers, "Is he an LLMD?" Controversy runs rapid for a MD that treats Lyme Disease. Medical Boards are often on the hunt for MD's that treat this disease. My fear is that one of these days I will go and his office will be shut down. That's why I rarely say his name outloud. Sometimes even if someone flat out asks if I see him, I will say "I can not confirm or deny that I do." Makes me feel like he's in the witness protection program. I bet most if not all of his Lyme patients feel the same way I do.

In any case, my doctor is extremely smart. He treats and diagnoses based on symptoms and not necessarily test results. He has seen enough cases of enough diseases to know that certain symptoms generally mean certain diseases. If it's not dangerous to go ahead and treat for that disease, why not get started and get the labs at the same time instead of waiting for the labs to come back and then treat? In the entire time I've been there, he has NEVER been wrong about a single diagnosis. Most times the lab work backs him up. I say most because of the complexity about the tick borne illnesses tests.

In any case, I have been doing fairly well. My symptoms have been minimal. However at my husband's last appointment, he mentioned that I could have a potential backslide due to all the stress in my life (you have to admit a Grandfather's passing, an Uncle's heart surgery and an assessment at work all within about a month together are HUGE stresses). He suggested that in July he would wrote out a lower dose prescription for something I really need to be on. Though I kind of thought he was nuts in my head since I had overall been physically feeling great, I knew deep down that he would write it out anyways and at some point he'd have the test results to prove that I needed it.

So I decided to get the numbers on my side and that's when I requested my test results. As soon as I saw them, I knew. I have been his patient so long that I know which numbers he looks at and which numbers he's more concerned with. It was immediately alarming when I saw the number he really was interested in was off the normal range. It was also immediately alarming when the office called not once, but twice within a few hours of receiving the test results.

Ultimately ,even though it would have been helpful to have these results in the beginning of April, I think that God held off the results until I had mentally handled all the things I needed to handle before I could even begin to think about the possibility of a relapse. Now there are other things going on, but the assessment is over at work (one of the two anyways) and I am at ease with my Grandfather's passsing and my Uncle is at home after being at the hospital for 3 weeks or so.

While there are now other things on my plate, I am ready to tackle this head on. That's why when the LDN arrived I immediately began to take it. What I wasn't counting on was a reaction. May 28th I took my first dose. May 29th I felt nothing really. May 29th I took my 2nd dose. May 30th, I felt nothing really. I was woohooing all the way. I thought if it went well enough that I'd be able to increase my dose from 1mg to 2mg at my appointment in July. Well I took the third dose on May 30th. When I woke up on May 31st, I had a small headache. I thought it was kind of odd, but went about my day. The headache got worse. It never eased off.

I continued being a fighter and took the 4th dose on May 31st. On June 1st, I had the worst headache of my life. It rivaled the headaches I got pre-diagnosis. It was all I could do to function. I really just wanted to place an ice pack on my face and crawl into a hole where there was no light or sounds. I rivaled on though. June 1st, I took my 5th dose and by the next day my head was hurting even worse. As you know, I drove myself to the LLMD's. That's the day I discussed the controvery of Lyme with the assistant. Even though my head was killing me, I wanted to make sure she understood that I had been in a remission state and that this wasn't my normal.

So June 2nd, No LDN. June 3rd woke up with a less severe headache. No LDN on June 3rd either, woke up on June 4th feeling as well as I had before May 28th. She told me that unless I heard differently to not take the LDN until I had my appointment today. She then suggested that he will probably want me on IV's.

At 10 to 11, I will probably be getting news that I don't want. However, I will take what he has to say and swallow it with pride knowing that I did it once and I can do it again. Who knows, maybe just maybe, he may even say that it's just side effects. Haa. But my lab works proves that he knows what he's doing.

So prayers all around for my heart and mind and even those things that I haven't said outloud.