I have been having these emotional swings the last few days. In all reality, I know it's all hormone related, but it doesn't make the swings any easier. One moment, I feel great. I'm happy and excited for the present and the future. Then the next I am crying and frustrated. The good news is that my hormones should balance out in a few days and I'll be back to my strong stubborn self. I started some new medications a few days ago to get rid of the parasites and the yeast. Either the dying bugs are making me feel bad or the medication itself is doing it. I have about 5 more things to add to my regiment of daily drugs and I am a little leery of doing it when I already feel a bit on the nauseated side.
I remember feeling that way every day. It was awful. I worshiped the porcelain throne almost every night for almost 2 years and I just can not go back to that kind of living. Thank goodness I am only on the parasite drug for 3 more days and then I will go to something a little more homeopathic (which hopefully means a little easier on the stomach). The yeast drug will only be a few more days as well before I begin the homeopathic stuff. I just wanted to give the pharmaceuticals a chance to kill the beasts so that it would allow the homeopathic stuff to work the best.
If someone had told me 3 years ago (even 2 heck even last year) that I would be trying weird stuff to try to kill Lyme, Yeast, and all my blood friends, I would have laughed in their faces. At this point, I'd stand on my head and walk backwards on my hands if it would help. (Okay so I don't think I have that particular skill, but I could spin a mean rifle back in the day)
My doctors told me that I still have a long journey to go. I accept that, but sometimes I just want it to be "right now." This world is such an instantaneous world that they think ... why are you still sick after all this? Why aren't you well yet? Well, Lyme isn't that easy to "fix." Most Lyme literate doctors don't even know if it can be fixed. I want someone to fix me. I really do, but I know my body will be fixed in it's own time. I can't rush it nor would I want to.
Everytime I have a rough day, I go to different blogs. Today was particularly rough and I went to the one blog that makes me smile. More than that, it makes me pray. I've mentioned them before, but this family makes me go wow.
In a years time ... Tricia got placed on the list for possible transplant. Tricia found out she was pregnant. Tricia had a beautiful baby girl (weighing 1 pounds and 6 ounces at birth) in January. Tricia and Gwyneth had to be separated and even after she was born Tricia was in a coma and was probably the last person to even know that her daughter had been born. Tricia was placed on the transplant list and 40 days after being placed on this list received her double lungs from a most gracious family who had their own tragedy (May everyone pray for that family right now .. even though we don't know who they are .. Tricia has been given time with her husband and her daughter because they were selfless and gave life to her). Tricia left the hospital, Gwyneth left the hospital and they went home to the OBX to be a family under the roof of Nathan's parents. Shortly after they arrived home, they found out Tricia had lymphoma in her lungs. She's been on a very difficult chemo treatment and yet every picture posted she looks so uplifted and radiant. Just today, they signed a contract to purchase their own home.
People around the world pray for this family and check on this family every day. Every time I have a bad day, I just think about Tricia and her faith in God. It makes me feel a tiny bit better and realize that my "big problems" are really just rather small problems to God. Nothing is too big for God. If they can do it, I can do it.
P.S. I was even more emotional this afternoon than I have been the last few days. Sheesh. Sometimes it just sucks to be a woman.