Number 1 With Lyme,

I wrote this post a few days ago intending to post later, but since today is the National Day of Prayer ... It seemed fitting for today. Before I get into this post though, I want to let you see a part of me that I rarely show. I try to be an open book. However, there are a few chapters that I keep sealed shut. I don't want pity or sorrow so I keep it sealed shut. So here it is:

I have had a horrible day. Down right terrible in fact. This is what I wrote somewhere else:

It feels like I'm in the middle of the ocean and the undertow is sweeping me away. Every time I get one thing accomplished, fifty more things are piled on. I can't keep up with what needs to be done. Feeling rather inadequate at the moment. I had an Asheboro '93 feeling and let's just say that ain't good, ain't good at all.

So with that said, my planned post. One that is much more uplifting and hopefully I'll be able to read it and feel better ... feel less inadequate ... feeling more Jennifer.

***

You may wonder how my relationship with God strengthened during my illness. I believed from the very beginning that what afflicted me was given to me for a reason. I believed (and still do believe) that God gave me this battle to fight in order to glorify His name. The more my health failed the more I believed that in the end, I would be healed.

God made me a promise. At my weakest, I looked at His promise in the book of Isaiah. Isaiah 4:29-31 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. ³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; ³¹ but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

That is simple. He states it, "But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength." You may ask if I believe in God (or more poignantly if God exists) why didn't He renew my strength earlier? Well it is simple. He healed me in His time and not mine. Yes, God could have very easily granted a miracle and cured me in a moment. However, that was not my journey to take. He needed me to take a different path. He needed me to be weak so that I could show others my strength. He needed me to be outspoken. He needed me to know weakness so that I could be the strength for others when they were too weak to speak for themselves. He needed me to encourage others to hope in the Lord.

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart, my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out

My Soul cries out to You
My Soul cries out to You
to You, to You

My heart, my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out
From the inside out, O my soul cries out
From the inside out, O my soul cries out.