Tuesday, June 5, 2012


This morning I woke up and had the feeling.  I don't get this feeling very often and I hate feeling this way.  It's not the physical pain (which was off the chart for about 6 hours), but the emotional pain.  I hate lying in bed, holding my head, crying and wishing I weren't in a place where I *hate*  it.  I try to be so positive and more or less inspirational and when I feel so badly that all I can do is huddle up into a ball while holding my head I don't feel positive.  I hate that feeling.  It's in that moment that I either want people surrounding me or I just want to be alone.  There is no in between.  This morning I wanted people around me.  I wanted someone there to hold my head or my hand and tell me that I was just going to be okay. I wanted someone to say that the herxheimer reaction wouldn't last forever and that no matter what I was going through that it would end. 

So I crouched into a ball and held my own head with one hand while clutching to my mouth with the other as I coughed.  Every cough brought pain.  I cried.  I prayed.  I answered a phone call from my best friend.  On one hand, I didn't want to talk on the phone.  But on the other hand, I knew his words would make me feel better.  Apparently, I am a Tough-a-lup-ugus, Toughalupugus indeed. 

I decided not to take my antibiotics this morning.  I didn't want anything else dying inside my body, but tonight --- I will go back to Mepron & Zithromax and do some more killing because I am a Toughalupugus.  In a week, I have found 6 ticks.  One on my husband, two on my dog and three dead in our sunroom (apparently hitched a ride on Dexter's back --- and Dexter's back killed them because he had been treated).  We hired a pest control company to come in and granulate the yard and spray the house.  They'll come back in a little over a week to do a special flea & tick treatment and hopefully we'll have the house done enough so that maybe they can come inside to check to insure we don't have a problem inside the house. 

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