Thursday, November 10, 2011

Lyme Kills II

I wrote yesterday that I would share what I wrote in the chamber. Here it is.

Lyme Disease Kills. It dashes hopes and dreams of the innocent. When I graduated from High School, I had great expectations that college would open up an entire new world for me to be someone different. Then, it happened. A few weeks prior to commencing college a radioactive tick bit me. Okay Okay, there was no radioactivity, but soon my body and mind came to a crashing halt. Lyme killed my ambition, my love for a phenomenal novel and my quiet nature. Lyme Disease kills.

Ironically, I was someone different in college. I was hurt and angry and sick. And no one would listen. Okay Okay, some listened, but they weren't the ones that could do anything about it. In fact, they could do nothing except for clean the blood from my head when I ran into something yet again, remind me to breathe after a seizure, hold my hair back while I vomited or hold my soda for me while I tried to sip. Sometimes, they held a straw in my mouth and dropped bits of soda into my mouth. I felt, at times, a bit like a bird -- helpless and wounded. There were times when I was so weak, I couldn't eat. Not being able to eat made me weaker. It was a vicious cycle. Lyme Disease kills.

In the end, I had to fight for myself. I had to fight for what was rightfully mine - the right to an education - Advisers were against me. Professors were against me. Doctors were against me. People I didn't even know well were against me. Here I am again. Fighting for myself. Fighting for an education. If I didn't fight for myself, who would? There are a whole slew of folks that would fight for me, but no one fights better for me than me.

I will admit that I am in a whole lot better place now than I was so many years ago. I have several people at the school that are working for me and I haven't met the professor yet, but if she's anything like the EDU adviser -- she'll be in my corner too. They know nothing about Lyme. They don't know I have health problems. I debate whether to mention it. I also have a phenomenal doctor on my side, a husband on my side, my family on my side and friends. Fantastic friends. Friends that know when I need a hug or a simple I love you.

Lyme may kill. Lyme may have killed my ambition, my hopes and my dreams before, but it will not kill me now. I will push through this. I will get through this again.

As a post note: I got registered today for the classes I want to take in the spring. I'm so excited and can't wait to see how my brain holds up during the spring semester. My biggest concern is the timing. It's from 6pm to 8:50pm. I typically can't stay awake after 8pm. Even if my eyes are open, my brain is generally down. So pray that my brain and body will stay awake at one night a week from January until May. When I was taking classes in 2002, I got a 4.0. This was 5 years before my diagnosis. Here I am 4 1/2 years after diagnosis and we'll see if I can continue this 4.0 trend.

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