June 16, 2007

I just found this old journal entry I wrote on June 16, 2007. I am LAUGHING at it myself now because I realize this was the beginning of the transformation of "don't care how I look Jennifer" to "I can wear a dress just because I want to Jennifer." And today .. Man I feel like a Woman!

****'

Those of you that know me in person know that I am NOT into making myself look Glamorous. I couldn't care less if I was wearing sweatpants to meet the Queen of England herself. I couldn't care less if I was wearing work out clothes to meet Marty Casey (okay maybe I could care about that one). I am NOT that person. I did not have someone special "Do" my hair for my wedding. I did not have someone special "Do" my make up it either. I threw it up in a bun like any other day and ran with it!

So WHY am I going NUTS over a stupid banquet? I feel like one of those high maintenance chicks that goes nuts over hair and make up. Do these shoes go with this dress? Could I wear this ring with that watch? I spent TWO HOURS straightening my hair. How many of you think that anyone will notice? AND now I'm worried about a handbag. Here is is with almost an hour to go and I'm just now thinking ..my purse won't match.

I can thank my parents for sending me to Barbizon because if I want I CAN actually do my make up.

I don't know if I'm hearing "Glamorous" in my head or "Man I feel like a Woman" by Shania Twain. And you guys know that I despise country music. Fortunately for all of you, you won't see me look like this! I feel like an impersonator of someone else. I don't feel like Jennifer! I feel like ... (insert anyone you know that wears a lot of make up and dresses up high maintenance).


***

Here it is three years later and I no longer feel like an impersonator, but I still refuse to wear make-up (on most occasions). I can't believe I spent two hours straightening my hair though. Though it was quite long at that time so quite possibly it did take two hours.

5 nights 1st time

I did 4 nights of 1mg LDN. I was a little encouraged by my lab work so I decided to push the limits of my body again by doing 4 nights in a row of the 1mg. I had only a small remnant of a headache yesterday and decided it was worth the risk to take it the 4th night. Depending on how I feel today will depend on if tonight if only a 1/2 OR the first ever 5th night in a row.

And yes this means I did get the results to my blood tests back. I can't exactly explain them. I feel like I should be an expert in Lymph Enumeration by now (all those numbers CD4, CD19, CD56, etc.), but I am very much a novice. I wish I knew which ones held which job in my body and why some of them raised "300" points since last time and others either stayed the same or raised only a slight bit. However, I'm under the impression that we want those numbers to rise and most of them did. So I'm pleased as punch over that.

** decided to go ahead and take that 5th night of LDN**

SO long 4 nights

My headache has continued so last night I skipped the LDN. I will go back to the LDN rate where it didn't give me a headache which was 3 days at 1mg and 1 day at .5mg and then try again with the 4 days. This is per instructions given to me at my LLMD the last time I was there. Keep pushing it up until my body tells me to stop (which is the beasty headache I have had for the last 48 hours). I don't even know how I functioned yesterday at work. Today the plan is to rest as much as possible as tomorrow I have a very exciting baby shower to go to.

Speaking of baby showers. A coworker had her baby a little over 3 weeks early. Mom & Baby are doing well. It means I will get some hours at work at least for next week so I'm excited about the money aspect, but a little scared in how I'll be able to function. I know I will be just fine though. Always am able to do what I have to do when I have to do it until I stop, then I collapse. (which is what is happening today. I did what I had to do last week and then finally stopped)

Four Nights

I made it Four Nights of 1mg of LDN. I had a headache all today though so back to 1/2 mg tonight. It's the longest I've ever taken LDN back to back at 1mg. I'm hoping next time after night 4 that I won't have the headache and I can move up to night 5. It's moving slowly, but I've come so far from the 1/2 mg every other night.

Relief and Laughter

Relief: Got my blood work done today and it went well. She listened and it only took one stick. There were only two small vials that were needed.

Laughter: So I got this letter today in the mail.




Don't see the part I about peed myself laughing? Allow me to show you ....




I mean I know sometimes I feel 65, but I had no idea I was "turning 65" anytime soon.

Mom did you know you had a 65 year old daughter? Great feat being that you're not even that old!

Decisions and Frustrations

First things first:

I decided to go to WCU for Homecoming instead of my HS reunion. There were several factors involved .. including a pro-con list (I'm so OCD sometimes).

Frustrations.

The words you never want to see on the blood work is:

Specimen clotted, unable to perform test(s).

In laymen's terms ... I have to get stuck again. I did get results for my Iron and Vitamin D levels though. Both are significantly improved. One is in normal range while the Iron is way above normal. I'll find out what that means at the end of August. I'll go tomorrow to get the rest of my blood retested.

What a dilemma

Wish I could do a poll on this thing.

Oh what's to say I can't?

Western Carolina University Homecoming OR 15 High School Reunion?

I've been looking forward to both, but they are on the same day.

I know which one I'm leaning towards, but what do you guys think?

LDN Update

So at the end of May, I began the LDN. It was when I had begun 1 mg. Once I had taken 3 days of 1mg LDN I had a horrible headache. Since the first few days of June, I have been gradually increasing my doses from .5mg every other day until I was able to take .5mg every day. In the last week or so I have been able to take 1mg every other day and then the past two doses, I took 1mg two days in a row and then .5mg of LDN. Well tonight will be the first time I've taken 3 days of 1mg LDN since I began my regiment. I have no lightheadedness or headaches tonight so I'm hoping I'll be good to go tomorrow.

This is a very slow process, but I'm actually going a bit faster than I thought originally. I never went up to get my lab results. I think I'll stop by one day this upcoming week to see how my NK cells are doing. I'm feeling "okay." I've been a bit fatigued, but that's really been my only big symptom in the last week or two. I had a couple of days of jaw pain and leg pain, but it went away fairly quickly after onset.

Ever wonder what this LDN looks like? Well every compounding pharmacy makes it look different, but this is what 1mg from my particular pharmacy for me looks like:




In order for me to take it, I must open up the capsule and put it in something I can eat.



There ya go. 1mg LDN in a spoonful of Applesauce. If I want to take .5mg then I open up the capsule and figure out 1/2 of it. It's not precise, but it's the best I can do. I just took my 3rd night in a row of LDN and now it's time to hit the bed. I typically take it around 7:50 and hit hte bed by 8. Tonight I took it a bit later and I can already tell the difference.

My heart is racing, but shortly I should be asleep and won't notice it.

Still alive

Having major writer's block, but know that I'm alright and still living!

Raw(e) Lamps

Straight out of the camera from Sailor & Company is always fun. I never edit my photos anyways so it's easy for me. This week's theme is LAMPS.

This was from the Dunes Village in Myrtle Beach. Want to join in on the Raw(e) Lamp fun? Join Sailor & Company. :)

Yah Slick

"Slick" drew my blood in one stick. Glad they didn't need a lot of blood though because after four vials my vein decided it didn't want to release any more. Hopefully they got enough for my blood work.

Lots on the mind

I have a lot going on in my mind. It's been very difficult to think clearly when my mind is so full of many things. Some are fun things to look forward to and some are not so fun things that bring about worry.

I'm going for blood work tomorrow. I'm thinking about how much I've done in the last two months to improve my numbers. I wonder if it worked. I worry about things that I have no control over so I am trying to let it go until there are answers.

One of my best friends from Middle School is having a baby. I'll be seeing her for the first time in years at the end of the month. I'm excited about that. So I'm trying to focus on getting to that moment through this month where lots of things are happening.

My poor dog is hurting. I don't know what is causing it because he is yelping doing different things. Got an appointment with the vet after my blood work tomorrow to see if they can give me answers.

Answers. Questions. Questions. Answers.

I just have lots on the mind.