Flustered and Overwhelmed (and a post without bullets)

I've been diagnosed with Lyme Disease for six years now.  Six years and 22 days to be exact.  It has been an extremely long time where I felt so much fluster.  I had my follow up on Tuesday and I thought it went pretty well.   I felt we discussed the good (I'm herxing from the oral antibiotics), the bad (my favorite IV nurse is leaving) and the ugly (possible picc line with IV antibiotics in our future discussion in May).  I left the office smiling and not overwhelmed.  To my regiment was one new antibiotic and another new pharmaceutical which is supposed to help with my pain.

Let me be clear - this is NOT a pain medicine, but a medicine that helps many things - one of those things just happens to help with nerve pain.  It comes with a point of pride for me that I refuse to take pharmaceutical products for pain.  In the last six months, I may have taken a total of 3 Tylenol (for headache along wiht a fever so really it was more for fever reducing than anything else).  Now before anyone gets in their high horse about Tylenol being bad for you - I don't have any other options.  The best option would be ibuprofen, but I've developed an allergy - and eye swelling allergy.  Some other things aren't options either so Tylenol it is.

I compare the new medicine to Neurontin.  Let me be clear - it is NOT Neurontin.  I've been on Neurontin before.  But I compare it to Neurontin because Neurontin is an anti-epileptic medicine.  The new medicine I believe also was initially used to treat epilepsy.  Neurontin can also be used for pain management.  In fact, when I was Neurontin over 7 years ago, it was to treat my headaches.  We chose the new one over Neurontin because I've experienced the Neurontin daze.  It doesn't make me fatigued, but it does create a fog where I feel that everyone else is going about 100 times faster than me and it makes me feel like I'm going slow as a turtle. 

In any case, I left the office feeling confident about the new plan for the next 7 weeks and was only waiting on my notes to be emailed.  Typically I take my notes with me, but my LLMD wanted to decide between two antibiotics and because the notes were so long he wanted to take the time to make sure they were right for my understanding.  So I left, happy - content - confident.

This was on Tuesday.  Fast forward to Thursday morning.  Emails from my LLMD come password protected.  This way I am the only one that knows the password to open up the notes.   Unfortunately, I had forgotten the password.  This was in some ways a blessing.  I went to work and then to a Lyme Advocacy meeting and then home where I remembered my password for the notes.  I opened them up and began to read.  I'm reading and things are clicking from the appointment.  Okay, Okay, Okay .  I understand.  And then I read in big capital letters THREE WEEKS.  This caused my heart to figuratively skip a beat and stop.  Do what?  FLUSTERED AND OVERWHELMED I tell you!

Then I kept reading - and the "Do whats?"  kept coming out of my mouth.  My eyes got large and all the sudden I felt flustered and overwhelmed.  So for the first time in about four years - I called my LLMD's office to ask for clarification about the notes. The person I needed (wanted) to talk to was busy with a patient and she offered to call me back when she could completely focus on my questions. Again, this was a blessing - I had time to read the notes fives times - and come up with a list of questions so I could stay on track when she called back.    Typically my brain is trained enough to come up with my own data sheet for my pharmaceuticals, but this time - I was completely flustered and overwhelmed.

So she scanned in and emailed the chicken scratch from my LLMD.  It helped, but yeah I'm still flustered and overwhelmed.  I pulled up a word document - and began to create a table for the next 8 weeks.  I still have work to do on it becaus I think I'm going to use an excel spreadsheet to help keep the words separated, but t his morning I woke - and looked at the list - and it took one whole sheet of paper for the morning medicines alone.  Flustered, overwhelmed, exasperated.

Soon, I'll get myself together - and tell myself to kick it in gear, but seriously.   Three new pharmaceuticals (one of which - might cause me allergic reactions because - well I didn't understand the pharmacist, but I know that I could very well get a rash all over my body because of my allergy to phenobarbital), along with all the old ones, plus 20 or so supplements - is overwhelming for anyone.  Taking a deep breathe and if you made it to the end of this post.  Bless you. 

Heading in the right direction

So at my last follow up, we decided that we were heading in the right direction.   This was music to my ears. 

However, we needed to add a new antibiotic to my regiment.  We talked about it the previous follow up, but decided since I was quasi stable that I should just remain on what I had been taken.

What antibiotics am I on?

• Mepron - Yellow Paint. - I take this all the time.  There are no "breaks" with this one.
• Omnicef - Two weeks on, two weeks off.  Repeat.  I think Omnicef is what is causing me to be cold - most of the time. 
• Zithromax - Two weeks on, two weeks off.  Repeat.  Zithromax is the one that is most likely going to give me stomach problems IF I don't eat with it.  
• Flagyl - take it on the 2nd week of Omnicef & Zithromax for two days and then off the rest of the time. 
• Rifampin - is my new medicine.  Many people told me that it would change my urine to orange or red.  Boy they weren't joking. - It's like I'm peeing Tang or Orange Gatorade.  It's not caused me any major problems, yet.  It's on the same schedule at the Omnicef, but I can't take it with food - so I must take it about an hour before the other ones since I *must* eat with those or I vomit. 

I go back in 7 weeks and see how things are going.  If things are continuing to go well, then we can stretch things out further.  However if it gets to the point where I've "hit a wall,"  I've been told that I'm going to hate my LLMD (he told me this himself) because he's going to want me to stop it all for four weeks - at which point symptoms will probably be going crazy and we'll either restart or talk about IV's. 


My biggest symptoms at this point are:

• Fatigue - can somewhat be controlled with b12 shots every 3 days
• Headaches - these are less severe than they have been in the past, but in the last couple of weeks they've restarted.
• Chills - I've been REALLY cold.  I think Omnicef is causing a portion of this, but it happens even during my off weeks - the severity is just lessened.
• Sweats - again, this has improved, but it's still pretty bad.  I can easily sweat through my clothes and it can lead to embarrassing wet armpits.  (hey it's honest!)  The sweat typically doesn't smell, but still embarrassing none-the-less
• Leg and/or Hip Pain.  Most of the time the pain is in one leg or another, rarely both legs.  And generally the other hip hurts - I think it's because I'm compensating for the pain in my leg with the way I walk.  
• Muscle Weakness - The other day I tried to lift a 5 pound weight - and I couldn't do it with one arm.

Okay - well that's all I have for  now.  

Overwhelming Follow Up

It seems like every follow up here lately has left me feeling extremely overwhelmed.  Today's visit was absolutely no exception.  I arrived a little bit before 9 to fill out all appropriate paperwork and was called back at 9:15.  I was in the the PA and my LLMD for at least an hour.  He talked about his most recent ILADS conference.  I love and hate when he comes back from those conferences.  I love it because he usually brings back with him a new piece of information that might help solve the puzzle of my illness.  I hate it because I usually leave extremely overwhelmed by all the information he gives me and usually it involves a change in treatment plans.

The antibiotics are the same.  The days I'll take them - VERY different.  Over the next six weeks, I"ll be on five different pharmaceuticals.

• "M" will be taken twice DAILY instead of pulsing like we've been doing. no time off unless I'm struggling.
• "Z" is better taken 4 days in a row in order to get blood levels to a therapeutic level - so "Z" will be taken twice daily Monday through Thursday and I won't take any on Friday through Sunday.  Two weeks on, one week off, two weeks on, two weeks off. 
• "F" will be taken on the 2nd week of antibiotics - twice daily on Friday and Saturday only.
• "O" will be taken on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  Two weeks on, one week off, two weeks on, two weeks off. 
• "N" to be taken on whatever day I'm taking antibiotics which will be daily (unless I go a "M" respite)

In addition to these, I'll be on a multitude of supplements. There are probably 15 bottles of supplements that I'll be taking 2 or 3 times a day.  There are also about 10 bottles that I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be on or not so I sent an email to my supplement lady.  A lot of them are detox remedies so I feel like I should probably be on them with all of the antibiotics I'll be on, but - adding an additional 10 items twice a day in combination with everything else - seems very overwhelming.

Over the last six weeks, my fatigue level has sky rocketed.  Most nights I'm in bed by 7pm and if I have to work -  I'm rudely disturbed by the alarm at 5.  However if I don't have to work, I sleep a good 12 hours if not more.  One night I went to bed at 6pm and slept until 7am the next morning. I didn't even realize I had slept all night and wondered where my husband was when I got up.  It wasn't until I made my way to the computer and saw AM on the time stamps that I realized I had slept 13 straight hours.  That same day - I napped an addition 3 hours twice and then slept an other 12 or 13 hours the next night.

I've also had spells of dizziness.  Most of the time I attributed it to a new pharmaceutical that I'm supposed to be on to increase my sodium levels.  My Sodium levels are in the toilet again.  So I've got to try to see if I can get those up over the next few weeks before my next set of blood work again.  One set of liver enzymes were elevated from my last set of labs, but not out of the normal range.  Then the other set of liver enzymes were elevated out of range.  We all think it's due to the antibiotics and we're keeping an eye on it. A few of my new supplements are to help support liver function.

Sorry I've been so quiet.  I've had a rough month and I just tend to get really quiet when things get really bad. 

Confirmation

I had my follow up today.  I was pretty much bluntly honest.  I haven't had a good health day since before my last visit. Someone asked me what were my symptoms since getting out of remission.  What aren't my symptoms?  Well, here is a list of symptoms that I have endured over the last month.

• Headaches
• Neck Pain
• Shoulder Pain
• Elbow Pain
• Finger/Hand Joint Pain
• Hip Pain
• Knee/Shin Pain
• Ankle Pain
• Feet Pain
• Leg Pain
• Lower Back Pain
• Itching (mainly on face or arms, though occasionally on legs)
• Sneezing
• Comprehension difficulty (understanding what people say - especially on the phone, but I've noticed lately that I've even had trouble understanding things that I normally comprehend)
• Chills
• Sweats
• Fatigue
• Twitching (mainly head/arms/hands, but feet/legs occasionally)
• Breathing difficulty (sometimes can't get a deep breath) 
• Coughing
• Fevers
• Light Sensitivity
• Noise Sensitivity
• Ear Pulsing
• Lung/Side Pain

The worst symptoms that affect my overall daily experience are the neck pain, headaches and fatigue.  Although all of the other pain things can affect how it impacts my daily life. 

I haven't been on any "killer" medications or homeopathics in 6 days.  I thought that by today my body would have stabilized, but that has not been the case. So over the next few weeks I will be working on some things that hopefully will help release the toxin load in my body to help my body stabilize. Then, I will slowly add in the "killer" things focusing mainly on Babesia. So I will restart only two antibiotics:  Zithromax & Mepron.  Omnicef and Doxy will stay on the back-burner for now.  We briefly talked about IVs, but we'll push those out again simply due to financial restraints. I will take one day at a time.   I admit it.  I am overwhelmed. When I think about how well I was doing 2 or 3 years ago, I get extremely upset. 

Follow Up 1 week ago

I had my follow up 8 days ago.  I've really had to digest this last appointment. 

Each appointment, we get closer and closer to pulling out the big dogs.  By big dogs, I mean IV antibiotics.   I truly believe that if we weren't having such a tremendous heat wave (even though this week is cool -- and if my appt had been this week, our decision may have been different) he would have scheduled me to have a picc line inserted.  However, we had a string of over 100 degree days and a line with that weather (and humidity) is just doomed from the beginning especially with my skin sensitivity to the line, dressings, cleaning solutions.  It's much better to be a cooler temp. 

So with that said:  My next follow up is near the end of August.  This weekend, I will start all 4 of my oral antibiotics along with a multitude of supplements. I will be on these through my follow up.  Depending on how I do will depend on the next step, but based on previous attempts --- more than likely at the beginning of September,  I will be having another picc line inserted to do my first ever IV antibiotics.  It will also give me access for other types of IVs as well. 

Truthfully, I should have started this process in January - but it takes my mind a while to catch up with what my body needs.  I was fighting this process and now I'm fighting Lyme and Babesia and apparently Mycoplasma Pneumoniae.  I'm tired of fighting, but I can't afford to give up.  I've given myself a medication respite with approval from my LLMD so I could get some stuff out of my body, but I really need to restart them.  I work a long day today (but Jennifer, you quit back in December you say --- well I went on substitute status and they really need me to work today --- ).  I've known for a few weeks I'd work today which was one of the reason I went on med respite this week so that I wouldn't be having a herx reaction while working.

I've worked a couple of 6 hour shifts since quitting in December, but no more than that.  So pray that I can make it for the 9 hours I'm there (plus the scant hour of traveling) without falling asleep and without mental confusion and without great pain. 

Possible Lyme Firsts For Me

I was diagnosed 5 years, 1 month and 4 days ago. I have tried many things including some conventional medicine and very unconventional medicine. I have had a PICC line. I have had many firsts.

Today I sat on my LLMD's loveseat and listened to him talk about the two well known LLMD's he has visited since my last visit with him in February. He talked about the homeopathic treatments and oral antibiotics that I have tried. We talked about how they made me feel. We talked about my symptoms, past and present. We talked about things he really hasn't done that many times and I thought about how often I jump on the train of things he hasn't really tried. I thought about how I really am my LLMD's little guinea pig. We have seen things that have worked (but aren't allowed anymore and that really makes me angry) and things that haven't worked at all.

My immediate plan is to give myself a 3 to 4 day break off of all the homeopathic medicines I have been taking to see if my body will improve. If it does improve, I will start over. I have three vials of homeopathic medicines. I will start with the first vial (targets Lyme). I will start off with 6 drops twice a day and increase everyday until I get to 20 to 25 drops twice a day. Then at this point, I'll start on the second vial that targets Bartonella. I will do the same thing with it and then lastly start the vial that targets Babesia. This could all change once my LLMD speaks with the creator of these vials. He wants to talk with her and find out her opinion on my case.

The past few times we have talked about oral antibiotics and I think my LLMD wants to try this route again seriously. My stomach churns just thinking about it. We think based on my symptoms that I have untreated Babesia. Until recently, Babesia had not even been on our radars. However, he learned a lot more about Babesia during his visits to New York with the other two LLMD's. So with this information comes a possibility of new firsts.

In order to target Babesia, there are several medicines that are used. I have heard about all three possibilities and my stomach turns just to think of it. The one my doctor would probably use (we talked about it at length) is known in the Lyme community as "yellow paint." The medical community calls it Mepron. The other antibiotic would be Zithromax. I have had Zithromax, but I have never endured the yellow paint.

In addition to this, he wants me to consider other lyme antibiotics as well. We're thinking about Ceftin, Rifampin ("orange urine") and then Grape Seed Extract. However, ultimately he wants to consider something I never thought I would hear him say.

IV ROCEPHIN.

I'm processing. I have a couple of phrases that I use almost daily. The first one is, "It is what it is." There is nothing I can do about it. I have Lyme and it is what it is. The second one is, "Go big or go home."

The following words scare me: Mepron, IV Rocephin, Rifampin, Ceftin, Grape See Extract. All of these would be firsts for me.

It is what it is.
Go big or go home.

Of course I have to wait for my LLMD to decide, but ultimately it is my decision. There are benefits to both treatment courses. Both treatment courses are expensive. Both treatment courses have their downfalls. I don't know what I want to do yet, but I do know that I trust my LLMD.

Here is the truth, the gut wrenching truth. I must admit I am scared, but I have learned a thing or two in the past five years. In order to see the beautiful rainbow, you must go through the rain. People always ask how I can stay so positive with everything I have gone through. I try not to let others see my weakness, my negativity. I am not 100% positive 100% of the time, but I do try to bring the joy to others. I say bring it. Bring the joy. Bring the pain. Bring the Lyme and Bring the rain.

Praise you in this storm: Casting Crowns.

Follow up appointment 2/4/12

I had an interesting appointment. We had a new form to fill out. That's always interesting because it takes me a lot longer than normal to figure out exactly what the form wants. However, that wasn't the interesting part. The interesting part was that it really alarmed us. I answered honestly the questions to my symptoms. There was a list of different areas and it had me circle between 0 and 4 (0 being never, 1 being occasionally not severe, 2 being occasionally severe, 3 being often not severe 4 being often and severe -- something like that). What stood out to us was the area surrounding joints and muscles. It was very high in numbers.

In any case, we discussed his last ILADS training. We discussed it last night I was there, but I was so cognitively out of it and was so fatigued I didn't remember and important part he said. He said the most interesting (and shocking) thing he learned was that they tested the lymph nodes of "Well" Lyme patients and their Lymph nodes still had the bacteria in them. So even though they had no symptoms, they still had the bacteria. *crazy*

Then we talked (and by we I mean he) talked about different protocols. We (again ... HE) talked about Antibiotics. He talked about Cowden. He talked about Buhner's. Then he started putting it all together. He said that Cowden was really a promising treatment, but that it was practically impossible in regards to how many pills there were in the day. A doctor and naturpath have gotten together to combine different aspects of (lyme fog moment here --- can't remember the name of the kinds of treatments) herbal remedies compacted into an easier formula.

So here we go again. I am going to be a guinea. Maybe I should rename the blog to "Living the Guinea's Life." I always feel that I'm on the cutting edge of treatments. I feel it's worked out pretty well for me in the past (especially that one "unmentionable" treatment that I did that I feel got me into remission for well over a year and ... believe you me, if I could get that "unmentionable" treatment again ... I WOULD!).

I am always a little reluctant to talk about my specific treatment protocols. So, I will tell you this much. I was given a bottle of capsules and 3 bottles of herbal drops. Each bottle is supposed to target a different thing. The capsules are supposed to help with detox and is supposed to help my body get ready for the 2nd bottle. I will continue with the capsules all the way through each of the other bottles. The 2nd bottle targets Borrelia. So with the 2nd bottle, I will start off with one drop twice a day. Each day I will go up one drop each dose. So by the 7th day, I will be on 7 drops in the morning and 7 drops at night. Then I will start the 3rd bottle. This one targets Bartonella. I will start it just like the Borrelia. I will continue going up on both bottles until I get to 14 x 2 and 7 x 2. Then I will start the 4th bottle. You may have guessed by now that the 4th bottle targets Babesia. The "most" drops I can do is 25 x 2 for each bottle. However knowing my body, I won't be able to handle that much.

Once I herx and it's uncomfortable, I begin backing off on bottle 2 ... if after a few days of backing off, I'm still herxing -- I will back off on the bottle 3 ... and then with bottle 4, but theory is that the one I'm on the most of will cause me to herx. So theoretically I should be able to cut back on only one bottle and my herxing should stop.

I have a follow up in about 2 months. I have blood work and IV this week. So pray for my nurse to be able to get my blood and IV.

I won't share publicly specifics regarding exactly what this is until later (maybe never --), but will keep you up to date on how I'm doing.

Yes Virginia, there is Lyme Disease

I saw my Lyme Doctor today. Have I said lately how much I love him? In a few months, we'll have been seeing each other for FIVE years. In that time, he's been to FIVE ILADS conferences. He told me at this recent conference he learned about the study that was done regarding a mouse and the Lyme bacteria. I'm not sure that I understood entirely correctly, but I do know that the time part is accurate. Something was put into the borrelia bacteria to make it glow so they could see it in the mouse. And that they could see the glowing bacteria go into the mouse and that within 30 minutes the bacteria was in the blood and that within 6 hours it was out of the blood and into the tissues of the body.

I said to him, "That's COOL and TERRIFYING at the same time." It's cool that they were able to show that, but terrifying because within SIX hours of attachment it can already be out of the blood stream and into the tissues! No wonder it's difficult to diagnose with blood tests! He studies with other Lyme doctors and between the two of us we always come up with treatment plans that can work for me. He listens. He understands. He asks questions. He's awesome. I refer as many people as I can to him I believe he's that good. Lyme is not a simple race. It's a marathon. More appropriately, it should be dubbed a triathlon with the emphasis on "tri."

Yes, my relapse is in full effect. What's next for me? Antibiotics? IV's? IM shots? More HBOT? Well I'm not exactly sure that antibiotics aren't in my future. In fact, if I had to take a stab at it ... I'm almost positive that unless something changes between now & February, I will probably be in the very least pulsing antibiotics.

IV's ~ not talking about Antibiotic IV's here though I suppose it's not out of the question. However I prefer a more natural route. IV High Doses of Vitamin C. If I could afford it and my veins were better, I would get a couple a week for a couple of months. However, I can't really afford it and I would rather not get another PICC unless absolutely necessary. Though, it it becomes necessary ~ it is an option.

IM shots? Well looks like to assist my fatigue problem, b12 shots are going to be my friend. I've done many things ... given myself a shot hasn't been one of them. Let's just add it to the list of things Dr. P has convinced me to do in order to improve my quality of health. So as soon as they come in, I'll be giving myself (or convince Rob to do it) a shot.

HBOT? It has seriously improved things already. So I will continue them with the frequency of one per week. I've already spent a grand total of 23 hours in the machine. It has made me feel less anxious, angry, and overall emotional. It has improved my headaches significantly. It has made my breathing less labored and less painful.

I also have an announcement to make in the next couple of weeks. And before anyone thinks it, no I'm not pregnant. It's an announcement that very few people know and I don't want it out in "public" until I have told the people it's going to impact in person first. I would rather them hear it from me than read it on my blog first or have someone else read it and call them. So once the people that absolutely must know know, I will share with everyone here.


** just so I don't forget, I wanted to add in that during my appointment yesterday I almost fell asleep. If I hadn't been fighting it so hard, I would have fallen asleep. I'm surprised I even remember anything from the appointment. Partially through my husband's appointment (his was right after mine), I had to get up to go to the IV room just to lie down. I couldn't sit up any more. **

The Lymie Slide

So in August I started really taking notes on how I was feeling. I had noticed back at the end of July that I really wasn't feeling as well as I had been. So I took somewhat detailed notes. The other day I was putting them all together to bring to my appointment Saturday and realized something terrible. I had done the Lymie Slide.

One day of fatigue during a month is one thing, but during week one of August I had three days of fatigue. In week two, there were no fatigue days. However, I did have two days of headaches. In week three of August, I had two straight days of fatigue and one day of headaches. In the month of August: I had 6 days of headaches and 5 days of fatigue and those two things didn't fall on the same day. So out of 31 days, 11 of them I either had severe fatigue or severe headaches. I also had allergy symptoms including sore throat, sneezing, coughing, stuffy nose, etc. There were four or five other symptoms that I hadn't had in a while either.

Then September hit. I also had 6 headache days and 6 fatigue days. (so in 61 days, I had 12 headache days and 11 fatigue days). Four of those fatigue days were in a row and one of them was so bad that in the middle of the day I fell asleep for 3 straight hours. That hasn't happened in I don't know how long. Then to top it off, this past week I have experienced ankle, hip and hand pain. So I was very happy to be able to talk with my LLMD about them today.

Between my symptoms and blood work, we decided it was most likely that my immune system is depressed again. Therefore, we need to boost it. We've been trying to boost it with LDN, but it obviously either isn't working or I'm not taking enough of it to be beneficial. To top it off, I've been having those headaches. We aren't sure if it is Lyme or if it is LDN so I am to stop it for about two weeks to see if I notice a difference in the frequency of headaches. I'm to restart either Beta Glucan or another supplement that I have that is supposed to boost immune support.

My treatment plan for the next few weeks isn't really all that complicated. I'm to continue everything I've been doing, but increase my oral vitamin C and exchange the LDN for the other stuff. Then I'm too add this stuff called Borrelia Series. I really am not quite sure what it does, but in 2007 I did the one called Bartonella Series. I may Herx on this. I may not. Basically if I herx, it means that my immune system is depressed enough that the borrelia bacteria has come back out to play. If it IS back for fun & games, I have to do a little killing action by continuing the series for 4 boxes.

In addition to these series of vials, I will be doing 2 or 3 IVs. I've done these IVs before and if I herx on them, I will also know if the borrelia is back to play. I had them when the Lyme wasn't in action at all and basically felt no bad effects from the IV. I was supposed to get one today, but wasn't hydrated well enough for them to get an IV stick. So on Tuesday I go to get a treatment.

In addition to these, my doctor wants me to get HBOT. I have heard this term many times and for those of you that don't know what it is, it is the Hyperbaric Oxygen Treatment Chamber. I get into a small thing that gives me lots of Oxygen? Honestly I really don't know what it does, but it's supposed to help. I'm supposed to do 4 days in a row at 90 minutes each "dive." So all in all:

2 to 3 IV's of Vitamin C
4 HBOT treatments
10 vials (up to 40 vials) of Borrelia Series
Mixing it up for two weeks other supplement instead of the LDN Cream.
Increasing Oral Vitamin C.
Keeping on the other supplements I'm already on.

OOOOO and do this saliva test. Yeah I have to spit into four vials. Weird huh? Almost as weird as the time I had pee in my fridge!

And while I know they don't read the blog: I have to give a shout out to a few people that made today go a little smoother.

1. Dr. P. You are my hero. I would not be alive without you.

2. Jennifer (IV lady). Thanks for not sticking me more than once after you realized I wasn't hydrated enough.

3. Rob. to my best husband (and my only husband!), you listen even when I think you're not listening. You know what I need even before I do. You rock!

4.John - to my best friend, you make me snort when I laugh even when I am ready to cry. You give the best hugs especially when I need them.

5. Alisa, Whitney and Melisa, you three girls gave me the Lyme support I needed today. I don't tell you enough how much you three mean to me. I'm blessed to have the best Lyme friends there are.

follow up

It's follow up time. I go in tomorrow for my follow up. This will be the first time in years that I dont' have my blood results before I go in. I have no clue what the LLMD will say to me tomorrow. I have a sneaking suspicion that my blood work won't look good though.

I've enjoyed my time to myself this week.

(ps. never did write about this follow up - but it was a good visit. the words possible remission was used briefly)