Waiting

Kind of ironic that I had to wait to post this message. I thought about two months ago that it would be kind of neat to write a post about waiting. After all, haven't us all at some point or another had to exercise the skill of waiting? Well I couldn't think of exactly what I wanted to write so I have written bits and pieces of the last few months.

Ten years ago (on May 19th), I got a phone call. After that moment, I began waiting. I had to wait for my new husband to drive home from work and then wait for what seemed like DAYS to get there, but honestly it probably only took 60 minutes (don't tell the cops because I think it normally took about 80 to 90 minutes to get there). Then I got there and saw tears streaming down my stoic Grandfather's face. Everyone was waiting. Everyone was holding their breaths. Secretly, I was praying that He would wait. Wait to take her home. I felt she wasn't done yet. She hadn't taught me what I needed to learn. Instead, I just had to wait. Wait to hear that my Granny, my very special friend in life, had passed away.

On the other end of the spectrum of life, I have friends who waited for a child. They waited for God to provide them with a child they would love. Each friend's case was different, but it was all the same. They desired to have a child to love that they could call their own. Some of those friends are still waiting for something to happen, while others are newly pregnant and while another is finally taking that ride of motherhood bicycling with their recently turned one year old child. They waited for the good to outweigh the bad. You can find many blogs on women that are showcasing the pain of their wait and the desires of their hearts.

Then there is kind of a daily wait. A wait to find out answers. Someone has a question and the answer isn't given. Each day that passes waiting on the answer causes anxiety and stress. For me that question was, "What is causing me to be so sick?" For me the answer came 12 years after the first question was asked. I had to wait for an answer. I had to be patient. From 1995 to 2007, I just waited. Some years, I was actively looking for an answer. I went from doctor to doctor trying to find out what was causing my sudden increase of symptoms. While other years, I just tried my best to ignore the screaming question. "What is wrong with me?"

For a while, I let the doctors placate me. I listened to every word and followed every advice to the letter. Here is just a sampling of what I went through over the 12 years before diagnosis. I have some dates for specific events because I do have some old receipts and diagnostic results. This is how I can piece together a time line.

Neurologist 1: Epilepsy Medicine (August 1995 to November 1995)
Neurologist 2: (November 95) Go off the Epilepsy Medicine , use talk therapy (I was released when the 2nd one wisened up and said, "I don't know what is wrong with you, but it ain't anxiety. You handle life very well) and reduce stress. Because of the 2nd Neurologist not listening, I decided to not really see any physicians for a while. Occasionally I'd wind up in the facility on college campus, but he's prescribe for symptoms and send me on my way. (talk therapy was from November 95 to sometime in 96)

Urgent Care Doctor 1 : (sometime in 2000) It's simple, "You're anorexic." (I didn't listen to him. He was an idiot)

Nurse Practitioner 1: (sometime in 2000)Thyroid Disorder (let's test it three times to make sure)
Nurse Practitioner 1: (sometime in 2000)It's Anxiety (use Antidepressants, Anti-anxiety and reduce stress).
Nurse Practitioner 1: (later possibly in 2002) Use Talk Therapy (are you kidding me, again?)
Nurse Practitioner 1: (it's hard to remember I think it was 2003) Possible Breast Cancer

Ultrasound Tech 1: "Ooooh" when she finally saw the lump.

Surgeon 1: It was bigger than I thought (scares the crap out of me. I was convinced I had cancer). She removed both my breast lump & birth mark and after a few weeks deemed that neither was cancer.

Urgent Care 2: (April of 2005) Allergies to mold & dust mites. That's what is causing all of your sinus infections. I thought my wait was over.

Hospital 1: (February 14, 2006) Ignores symptoms of gallbladder problem and gives me an IV of ativan and sends me on my way.

Couple of weeks later Hospital 2 performs emergency Gallbladder surgery on March 28 2006. I thought my wait was over. I thought I had my answer, but unfortunately I was completely wrong.

I went back to the Surgeon for my post op on April 3rd and things were healing nicely. Then all the sudden my incisions began to look really gross and I had pain as if it were the day of surgery. I went to my regular physician who performed blood work and sent me back to the surgeon who then sent me back for an overnight stay at the hospital. They said that I had some sort of infection and gave me IV antibiotics. I had to wait to feel better. (This was on April 6, 2006)

Urgent Care 2: (April 26, 2006) Gave me a diagnosis of Lyme Disease after a tick bite. Prescribe me 2 weeks of antibiotics with instructions to wait for the test results. They called on May 2, 2006 to tell me that my tests were negative. However by May 17th, I was falling asleep at the wheel and it hurt to walk. My knees were swollen and my tick bite was inflamed. Doctor gave me 2 more weeks of antibiotics saying my test results were negative, but they expected that. I thought my wait was over. (for those that are interested: First Antibiotic was Doxycycline 100 mg 2 times a day for 10 days. Second one was Amoxicillin 500 mg 3 times a day for 10 days).


Nurse Practitioner 1: By the end of June 2006, my NP had ordered Rheumatoid Arthritis test, Antinuclear Antibodies Direct test and another Lyme test. She told me that Lyme Disease can be tricky to treat, but since I was given 4 weeks of antibiotics pretty much straight that my case should be "cured." However, I had a serious ear infection that could be causing my symptoms. Just to be on the "safe" side for residuals of Lyme & to cure the ear infection, she prescribed me four weeks of antibiotics. I thought my wait was over.

Nurse Practitioner 1: Now I have been having symptoms since the tick bite, but my NP was looking at other possibilities. By the end of September she wanted to give me some anti-inflammatory medication for your joint pain. This should help. I wound up going back because the diarrhea was so bad that I couldn't stay on it. Plus it didn't help with my joint pain in any way. She gave me a sample of one and it worked better so she prescribed it. The problem was my insurance wouldn't pay for it until I had tried 5 other alternatives first! What a pain, but I thought my wait was over. I got the note from insurance denying Celebrex the 6th of October in 2006. My NP was on top of things and pushed this through very quickly. I tried the alternatives in a very short time and by October 13th they approved the Celebrex.

Nurse Practitioner 1: When I wasn't much better in a few weeks, she said she had done everything she could do for my possible Rheumtoid Arthritis. She sent me to a

Rheumtologist: (November 2006) It was at this point that I stopped waiting patiently and started waiting actively. We had questions for this lady. Questions we hoped she could answer. Our question was, "How come antibiotics make the symptoms go away?" Her answer, "That shouldn't happen." Her other answer was to keep on the Celebrex and to wait for my blood tests. She was ruling out several conditions and one was possible Lupus. I went back and my blood tests were normal. She told me to continue the Celebrex and start Neurontin for my nerve pain and come back in six weeks. We were tired of waiting. We didn't go back.

Nurse Practitioner 1: I was beginning to lose hope in her even though she had taken me through years of stuff. I mentioned one symptom and a light lit up in her eyes. She had a feeling she knew what was wrong with me. She just needed an MRI to confirm and she decided if it were that, I would need a Neurologist so she set me up an appointment.

MRI Tech: Asked me to stop twitching while having an MRI on my brain. The problem was that was one of the reasons I was there was to learn why I was twitching. How could I stop twitching when that's what we were trying to diagnose? IF I could turn it on and off like a switch, then I wouldn't need an MRI.

Neurologist 3: Reported that he saw damage on my MRI. He said he wasn't sure if it was due to an illness or past trauma (could be past seizures I was having or when I hit my head at college).

Neurologist 4: Said that the MRI was remarkedbly normal in every way. This is when MY lightbulb went off. How could one doctor say the MRI was normal and the other say it was not? Neurologist went over my history and decided to perform a couple of tests right then. An EEG to rule out seizures, and a couple of really painful tests. I was thankful that I didn't have time to research the tests or have to wait for them because I really think I would have chickened out. In the mean time, increase the dosage of Neurontin and he'd see me after the tests were completed.

EEG Tech: What exactly are we looking for (after 20 minutes)? I explained the situation and they continued to look. They really wanted me to sleep, but who can sleep with all those electrodes on?

Painful Techs: One shocked the mess out of my legs and the other stuck needles in my legs. Yeah let's just say I'm glad I didn't have to wait. The techs weren't supposed to say anything, but they did. They told me not to worry.

Neurologist 4: Told me that all my tests were normal. I didn't have MS, Brain Tumors, seizures, ALS or any other thing they were testing for. He wanted me to continue the medication to wait to see if my symptoms would improve. I was done waiting.

Lyme Guru 1:March 1, 2007: After 12 years of waiting to hear the words, "You have Lyme Disease." made me go over the moon. I had no idea what I was in for. IV's and PICC Lines and supplements and controversy.

That was in 2007. Here we are in 2010 and I'm still waiting. Waiting for the other foot to drop. I have been pretty well the last year or so. I've been told that stressful events can cause relapse. I have gone through one thing after another this last year. My friend died, my school closed, new school with new friends & students, my grandfather's ill health, going back to a 40 hour work week, my grandfather's passing, my Uncle having heart surgery and the most recent stressful event that had me see my life flash before my eyes.

I was driving home from my 8 hour day at work (woo hooo I'm well enough to work a full 8 hour day!). I stopped off at an exit to get some gas since I knew I wouldn't make it home otherwise. While I was at a complete stop (waiting none-the-less), my car had sudden acceleration. It took off on it's own. My life flashed before my eyes. Instinct took over and right before I was going to throw the car into Neutral and grab my phone for 911, the brakes decided they were going to work and my car slowly came to a stop.

I'm fine, the car is fine, people that almost slammed into me that were honking and cursing at me in their convertible as they flew past ... well I hope they are fine. The car will be going into the dealership on Tuesday. They say that I only have the "mat recall" Toyota model, but it was blatantly obvious to me that my car had a mind of it's own on Friday. So I will be waiting to drive my beloved car until they do something about it.

I wonder if Toyota will give my husband the run around like the Doctors gave me the run around. I don't have 12 years to wait for my car to be diagnosed.

Score One for Jennifer

So last night I had a meeting. I am petrified of being late to things. So much so that I generally plan to arrive places up to 30 minutes early just in case "traffic" happens. Since I work about 45 minutes (on good traffic days) from home, I decided to leave only 15 minutes early because the last few meetings we've had ... it has still only taken 45 minutes to arrive. I was tired of arriving 30 minutes early. Well leave it to me to decide this on a day where there IS a traffic jam on the interstate. *gahhhh*

About 3 miles into my trip, the GPS alarms at me, "Bad traffic ahead. Recalculating." I was like, "HUH?" There was no apparent traffic on the bypass. I kept going. I got onto the interstate and still no apparent traffic yet the GPS insisted that I take an exit about 6 miles prior to my usual exit. It was getting dark and it was raining and the GPS was wanting me to take a road I *never* take. As I look ahead, I see the red lights stopped. Hmmmm I had a choice. I could listen to the GPS and go a way that I never go OR I could sit in traffic on the interstate causing me to definately be late.

So I took a deep breath and shot over one lane and went the GPS led way. Now keep in mind, I am so routine in my routes that I rarely ever travel on alternate paths. I have barely even ridden on the road that the GPS wanted me to drive much less driven on it. In the past, I would have chosen to sit in traffic rather than to take this alternate path. However, I knew this would be a growing experience and a test of the GPS.

SO I drove down these roads I've never driven listening and watching carefully to my GPS. And who knew ... I got to my destination (almost on time .. I was 60 seconds late) without tears and fears.

Score ONE for Jennnifer (& Alphie)

Conflicted Lymie

I have felt conflicted as a Lyme Disease patient in the last few months. Since I am able to do more and more "normal" things, most people wouldn't even realize that I have Lyme Disease unless I told them. It is hard to fathom that less than two months ago a PICC line was sustaining my life. I am ever so grateful to every single person that had a hand in my current state of wellness. I am ever so grateful to God for helping me when my quality of life was nill and also now that my quality of life appears almost normal.

What's conflicting about that you ask?

I find that I am not quite "normal" and I'm not quite a "Lymie." I'm in a Lymie Limbo so to speak. It's very difficult because all of my Lyme friends that were in treatment well before I got started ... they are all still sick. Some of them even more sick than they were then. They all call me lucky and blessed and .. well .. NORMAL.

I feel like my body is the game Jenga. Where we're taking pieces from the base and adding to the top. That each piece we pull may or may not be a load bearing piece and that if you pull the wrong piece that my body will just come crashing down. It's important to be careful with every piece and use caution at every move.

My inner soul is aching right now. I ache because I don't feel apart of my most inner circle anymore. I feel as if (and this is probably not even true, but they are my feelings anyways) they don't think that I can understand what they are going through now because I am "well."

The other part is that I am so extremely good at hiding my feelings, my physical pains, my other ailments ..that unless you know me really well ~ you don't know that I still have *some* problems. Albeit those problems aren't even close to where I was two years ago ... It feels more like I did about 7 years ago when I was just having *problems* every so often.

So then when I do complain a bit about a pain here or a pain there, I get the whole "you NEED to be back in treatment." (to which I just want to scream .... )

Well ya know, my brain starts to get RUDE. I immediately think hateful thoughts towards the spiral things that have RUINED my life and unfortunately even to the person that suggests that I NEED more treatment. Then I think, you know what .. I am FIGHTING these little spiral things myself. My body is fighting it off itself. I have an IMMUNE system now and my body is doing what it needs to do to get rid of the Lyme Bacteria.

How do I know?

Because before whenever I was around anyone that was sick (IE a cold, flu, etc.), I would get sick. It did not matter how I protected myself ... I would get sick. Now ... not unless I douse myself with germs (IE when I went to the hospital to visit my granddaddy). Also if I have one or two bad symptom days, they don't last into weeks. My window of "Uh oh" is only 5 days. If I have 5 bad days in a row, I get the pit in my stomach "Uh Oh."

In March, I had 4 total "bad" days. Those were not in a row. Compared to March of 2007 where I had 30 out of 31 bad days. That means in the whole month of March in 2007, I only had ONE good day (and that's not a good day like I have now, it just meant that I hadn't thrown up and wasn't dizzy and didn't sleep for the majority of the day when I wasn't working).

But still even with only 4 bad days, I'm in Lymie Limbo. A Lymie that can't be normal and yet a Lymie that feels somewhat ousted by the Lyme community because I am not complaining every single moment about ailments that I have. The "normal" don't want me around if I do complain about my ailments and the Lymie don't want me because I am somewhat normal. Yes I know that this is all a falsehood created by my own imagination, but it feels somewhat true.

I guess I just need to know this:



Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to get out my Lymie Limbo emotions because I've been feeling like this for a couple of months.

Two week post picc

So it has now been a whopping two weeks since my PICC line was pulled. That begs the question: How am I feeling? Since it was pulled I have felt a range of emotions. Fear, Joy, Happiness, Emptiness, Anxiety, Thrilled (to not have to have an umbrella for light rain). So many words can be used to describe the last two weeks.

Joy: It has been simply wonderful to be able to take a shower or bath whenever I want without having to run to my husband first for him to put on the Dry Pro PICC Line Cover. In fact, there are many days when I took two baths and showers just because I could. It has been Joyful to be able to hug my friends without fear of being hurt. It has been wonderful to touch my left ear with my right hand over my head. Now why on earth I'd want to do that .. I don't know, but the point is that I CAN!

Happiness: I am happy that I don't have to taste Saline & Heparin or feel the fluttery chest feeling when I am getting an infusion. I've not made the opportunity to spend the night somewhere, but if I did ... I wouldn't have to worry about lugging gloves, alcohol swabs & Heparin and finding a compassionate person that would be willing to do my nightly Heparin shots in the PICC Line.

Fear: What if I have a set back to which it was a mistake that it was pulled. What if it doesn't heal properly? What if ... Yes there were tons of What if's, but is it healing properly .. yes it is. In fact, the hole looks really really good. It almost looks as if there was never anything there to begin with. My biggest fear is the set-back one though. AND ... my blood work on Tuesday. For the first time since May, I'll have a needle going into my veins. I am scared. Go ahead call me a scaredy cat, but I had a tube in which they could draw blood any time they wanted. I never had to worry about passing out or pain b/c the blood draws never hurt. ON Tuesday .. it will hurt. I may pass out. :(

Emptiness: How can I express this ... My nightly ritual has become routine. It feels empty not to do the things I needed to sustain life. I feel empty not having a tube in my arm. It feels weird not having to restrict my movement or my weight lifting capacity. I was "pushing" something on the floor with my feet and arms the other day until I realized I could actually lift it up and not "fear" that I would pull out the tube. It felt weird .. and empty.

Anxiety: Goes hand and hand with fear. Basically I have severe anxiety about future blood draws/IV's and about back sliding. Also about a potential future PICC Line. What if .. there are those two little words that give anxiety every time ... What if I need another one in the future?

Mainly though ... I am THRILLED. I am thrilled to be able to do all the things I haven't been able to do. It is thrilling to be able to walk out in the rain without fear that I will hurt my PICC Line or even worse my body. I am thrilled that I can go hang out with people without fear that they will hit my arm and hurt my line ... I am thrilled to be able to go bowling if I want (and I will .. just haven't done it yet) and walk on the beach without fear and swim & hottubbing and .. I could go on and on with all the reasons I am thrilled that it is gone.

But, How am I doing?

I am doing okay. I had a rough couple of days last week that really scared me. On Sunday I woke up dizzy and miserable. I felt like I was in someone else's body from a year ago. I had a headache and my muscle twitches were off the hook. My "fear" was becoming reality. I was taking a step back. I woke up throwing up in my mouth what tasted like acid and it scared me. After taking a deep breath (or four), I went back to sleep. Monday was not good either. I felt very much unconnected to my body. I felt as if I wasn't really there. My eyes would glaze over and I'd forget where I was. I knew that if I felt like this by Wednesday I would have to call my doctor. Tuesday I woke up feeling a bit better, but I was still feeling dizzy and muscle twitching. By Wednesday this disconnection feeling was pretty much gone. So now here I am with pretty much the twitches. I haven't had another spell of throwing up acid and my headache isn't ther either.

So now .. I am doing okay. I go back on Tuesday for another MSA. THis will help determine which supplements I need to be on. I am almost certain I will restart Vitamin D, a Borrelia Series (a new one for me), OSR (a new one for me), Fiber stuff (old one for me), VER (old one for me), Adrenal Pep (old one for me) and a bunch of others including one for yeast. I haven't had a single supplement (except the Fiber stuff) in two whole weeks. What a weird feeling: a good feeling, but weird one none-the-less.

An update on me!

The Big Question

So since the beginning of my treatment, I have always wondered the big question.

When is a ------------------ just a ---------------------?

You can fill in the blank with any symptom. When is a headache just a headache? When is an itch just an itch? When is joint pain just joint pain? "Normal " people get headaches & itches & even pain in their joints just for no known reason. Idiopathic. Well I have a "cause" for my headache (Lyme), itches (Candida) and joint pain (Lyme or other tick borne illnesses). But when does the bug go away enough that my headache is just a headache or my itch is just an itch or my joint pain is just joint pain.

You see I haven't had a headache in probably 8 weeks. I got one on Friday. After my long sleep Friday night, I woke up free & clear of a headache. I thought, "Wow a headache was just a headache." That is until this morning when I woke up with a whopper of a headache. These headaches are reminiscent of my early on Lyme headaches so it begs the question ... am I well enough to spread my treatments out by 8 weeks? I suppose time will tell. If the headaches continue, then I will have my undesired answer.

My itches & rashes come and go. One day they are not there and I have a tiny itch and the very next I have a huge rash wherever the rash is. The question becomes how quickly do I treat Candida. If I have a moment of itchiness, do I think immediately jump the gun and start Diflucan treatment? Or do I wait until the rash shows up?

This morning along with my headache, my knees were hurting. However on December 30th, I received a Wii Fit as a gift. I have worked out 10 of the last 12 days. I would attribute this to the joint pain ... IF ... I had never had Lyme Disease at all.

So my big question is

When is --------- just a blank? Can anyone answer this?

specialist today

I go see a guy about my wrist today. Hopefully he'll say, "it's no big deal. you sprained it and bruised it up pretty good, but ... nothing to worry about. Take 2 motrin and call me in 2 weeks."

Of course my fear is that he'll want to run extensive expensive tests to show the same thing. OR even worse. they'll show serious and permanent damage ... OR he'll say its fine and then there is something wrong.

Of course all of this may not make sense since I didn't really post what happened.

Last week, I slipped at work. I landed on my right side pretty hard. I was mainly concerned with my picc line. So I called the hospital that did the insertion. I talked to McMuscles and McJeff. *woooo* McMuscles told me not to worry unless my PICC line wasn't working properly. So to do a treatment that night and find out how it was working. Then McJeff talked to me and called me "clumsy." haa haa. What a funny guy? ME CLUMSY? Yeah right. :) (KIDDING).

I realized shortly after the phone call that my wrist was swollen a bit and was in some serious pain. I had xrays done and it showed no breaks in the bones, but I was told a hairline fracture or even tendon tears wouldn't show up to treat it like a sprain. They splinted my wrist for immobility and sent me on my way with pain meds.

The pain meds did not touch the pain and also made me extremely sick. I slept for almost 24 hours straight and the pain has not receded in the least. I have a tiny bruise on my elbow, my picc is in good working order, and a huge bruise on my thigh ... but by far the most painful and worrysome thing is my wrist. I have to type with one hand and use one finger on my right hand to peck out the right handed letters.

So if you read this in the am, pray that they dont find anything serious wrong and that everything will heal on its own without the need for surgery or anything drastic like that.

The other concern is that the Lyme bacteria will use this opportunity to rear its ugly head to pound on my "weakened" (doctors words) state. Let's pray that this doesn't happen. So far so good on that front. :)

Feeling up and down

I have been having these emotional swings the last few days. In all reality, I know it's all hormone related, but it doesn't make the swings any easier. One moment, I feel great. I'm happy and excited for the present and the future. Then the next I am crying and frustrated. The good news is that my hormones should balance out in a few days and I'll be back to my strong stubborn self. I started some new medications a few days ago to get rid of the parasites and the yeast. Either the dying bugs are making me feel bad or the medication itself is doing it. I have about 5 more things to add to my regiment of daily drugs and I am a little leery of doing it when I already feel a bit on the nauseated side.

I remember feeling that way every day. It was awful. I worshiped the porcelain throne almost every night for almost 2 years and I just can not go back to that kind of living. Thank goodness I am only on the parasite drug for 3 more days and then I will go to something a little more homeopathic (which hopefully means a little easier on the stomach). The yeast drug will only be a few more days as well before I begin the homeopathic stuff. I just wanted to give the pharmaceuticals a chance to kill the beasts so that it would allow the homeopathic stuff to work the best.

If someone had told me 3 years ago (even 2 heck even last year) that I would be trying weird stuff to try to kill Lyme, Yeast, and all my blood friends, I would have laughed in their faces. At this point, I'd stand on my head and walk backwards on my hands if it would help. (Okay so I don't think I have that particular skill, but I could spin a mean rifle back in the day)

My doctors told me that I still have a long journey to go. I accept that, but sometimes I just want it to be "right now." This world is such an instantaneous world that they think ... why are you still sick after all this? Why aren't you well yet? Well, Lyme isn't that easy to "fix." Most Lyme literate doctors don't even know if it can be fixed. I want someone to fix me. I really do, but I know my body will be fixed in it's own time. I can't rush it nor would I want to.

Everytime I have a rough day, I go to different blogs. Today was particularly rough and I went to the one blog that makes me smile. More than that, it makes me pray. I've mentioned them before, but this family makes me go wow.

In a years time ... Tricia got placed on the list for possible transplant. Tricia found out she was pregnant. Tricia had a beautiful baby girl (weighing 1 pounds and 6 ounces at birth) in January. Tricia and Gwyneth had to be separated and even after she was born Tricia was in a coma and was probably the last person to even know that her daughter had been born. Tricia was placed on the transplant list and 40 days after being placed on this list received her double lungs from a most gracious family who had their own tragedy (May everyone pray for that family right now .. even though we don't know who they are .. Tricia has been given time with her husband and her daughter because they were selfless and gave life to her). Tricia left the hospital, Gwyneth left the hospital and they went home to the OBX to be a family under the roof of Nathan's parents. Shortly after they arrived home, they found out Tricia had lymphoma in her lungs. She's been on a very difficult chemo treatment and yet every picture posted she looks so uplifted and radiant. Just today, they signed a contract to purchase their own home.

People around the world pray for this family and check on this family every day. Every time I have a bad day, I just think about Tricia and her faith in God. It makes me feel a tiny bit better and realize that my "big problems" are really just rather small problems to God. Nothing is too big for God. If they can do it, I can do it.


P.S. I was even more emotional this afternoon than I have been the last few days. Sheesh. Sometimes it just sucks to be a woman.

Bradford Microscope

A while back (in February or march of 08), I heard about this special microscope. Someone I knew online had gone out to New Mexico and had an analysis done of her blood under this special microscope invited by a Dr. Bradford. I thought to myself it would be very cool to have this done, but knew that I'd never fly to New Mexico to have it done. So I just thought I would never have the opportunity.

In April of 08, I was very sick. I wasn't moving forward in the healing way so my doctor suggested this very weird protocol (that I explained in an earlier blog). I was struck by the name. He called it "The Bradford Protocol" invented by Dr. Bradford. I inquired was it the same Bradford as the microscope. He confirmed indeed it was. I was given a contact of a lady that actually had seen Dr. Bradford and I called her. She told me that this doctor (not Bradford, but another lady) comes to her house occasionally and sets up the Bradford Microscope. I told her I would be very interested. The problem is that it's about 2 or 3 hours from my house. So I never thought it would really be an option.

Well this past wednesday, I get notice that this lady is looking for me. I call her and she informs me that this doctor with the microscope is coming to her house on saturday. By Thursday evening, it had changed plans even more. This doctor was actually going to be coming about 45 minutes away from my house. I was thrilled. So that appointment was today. Several "fun" things happened at this appointment. First, I met another patient of my doctor. She was very nice and besides Lyme we had a lot in common. Then I met another lady that I have been talking to online for several months. I had been looking forward to meeting her, but had no idea that she would be there. :) (though I did invite her to come, I wasn't sure if she'd be able to b/c of the short notice).

I found out many interesting things today. At my regular appointment with my lyme doctor, we had discussed how we thought my issues were now Yeast and maybe Parasites. We thought perhaps we had exhausted all the Lyme issues and that we were finished with Lyme Disease. I was thrilled with this. Then I got to the Live Cell Analysis. :( I don't know whether to find what we discovered exciting b/c of all the treatment we've done my blood work could have looked worse ... or disappointing b/c I still have a lot of issues to work through.

I saw lots of interesting things in my live cell analysis. *wow* If my blood looks as bad as it did now, I hate to imagine what it looked like a few months ago.

In the wet sample, she saw Lyme Spirochetes as well as Lyme Cysts in my white blood cells. One blood cell she looked at had four or five cysts in it. They were floating everywhere and eating some of my red blood cells. While we were watching, we saw one spirochete break off one blood cell and swim towards another. We also so many spots of Yeast. She said that Lyme and Yeast were definitely a concern. We saw several bacterial blobs that looked like a bunch of spirochetes bunched together with like tentacles (she called them blebs).

We also saw some lemon drop looking things and I don't remember what she said they were. We saw parasites in the wet sample as well as Black Fungus. There was a lot of both in the sample. She also said she saw Plaque. In the dry sample, she looked at several samples. In each of the samples, she said it was supposed to be a sea of red with a fisherman's netting of black over top. Mine had many white spots in it and the netting wasn't as prominent as it's supposed to be. She also said that there was a dark/light grey around the sample indicating that I have heavy metal toxicity.

So:
1. Parasites
2. Black Fungus
3. Lyme spirochettes and Cysts
4. Yeast
5. Plaque
6. Heavy Metal

I am worried that I have so many issues still. I saw what is in ONE DROP of my blood. If all of that was in ONE DROP .. what's in the rest? I am trying to be strong and be courageous and brave. It's very difficult.

Daniel 10:19 (Contemporary English Version)

The angel touched me a second time and said, " Don't be frightened! God thinks highly of you, and he intends this for your good, so be brave and strong." At this, I regained my strength and replied, " Please speak! You have already made me feel much better."

The shocking thing

So what was the thing I was wanting to do? I wanted to go look at the light houses. I have never seen them up close and I just was dying to go see Hatteras. Well I thought it was too far to go and figured that I might be able to go see Bodie Island Lighthouse. So I printed off information for three light houses just in case.

So Saturday morning after the Great Strides Walk, Rob said we could go see Hatteras. I was stoked. So on our way down, he said "there it is." I was a bit confused because it didn't look like what I thought it did. As we're getting closer, I'm like we shouldn't see it this close because it's still like 30 to 40 miles away. I'm realizing that this is actually the Bodie Island one. He pulls over to the area and we go look.

It was beautiful. We went into the shop and purchased a magnet for our fridge that had four of the NC lighthouses on it and also a map of the lighthouses. We took lots of photos. We got back on the road very quickly

We drive. I'm not paying attention and Rob's not paying attention. We comment on stores, schools and everything else and MISS THE SIGN. As we're driving we're realizing "Ruh Roh we're not in Buxton anymore." So we turn around and find the road for the tallest light house. We again take LOTS of pictures.

Then he asks me the all important question, "Do you want to climb it?" Without hesitation and without even thinking about it, I said YES. I was only thinking could I do it. Could I prove to myself that my joints are back to "normal?" YES I WANTED TO CLIMB THIS.

Now keep in mind, I was not thinking. CLEARLY I wasn't thinking. Here I am the woman who is skeered to death of even standing on a child's slide for it being too tall. Here I am the woman who won't swing too high in an adult swing on a play ground for it being too high. Yet Here I was the woman who was about to pay 7 dollars to climb a LIGHTHOUSE that was the TALLEST IN THE NATION. CLEARLY I wasn't thinking. We started off sort of bolting the stairs. "See look at me. I can do this. I am woman hear me roar. Screw Lyme Disease. You will not take this from me." I was out of breath by the 4th set of stairs. Each landing took longer to catch my breath, but MY KNEES DID NOT HURT. We got to the top and then I realized what I had just done.

I had just CLIMBED A FREAKING LIGHTHOUSE. I made Rob take pictures to ensure that this was PROOF that I had climbed a light house. It was windy up there. I stayed close to the lighthouse only venturing to the railing near the air for a photo opportunity. I even took a photo of Rob up there. I needed proof to show my doctors that we climbed a light house.

So we walked all the way around the top of it and it was time to go down. RUH ROH RAGGY. My knees got shaky, my hands got shaky, and it was then I realized how far up from the ground I was. All I could think was Oh Dear God get me out of this light house and I'll NEVER do something this stupid again (did I say NEVER ... well ............. maybe one more time ... keep reading).

So we slowly descended. I was near in tears, but they never did surface. My knees were so shaky I was afraid that I was gonna tear down the railing. But ya know I figure a many skeered persons had climbed this structure and not a single one of them knocked it down. Sooo I was pretty certain that though I was skeered that I was fairly safe. I was so excited to see the ground that I almost kissed it.

We went into the Shop areas (which were the former lighthouse keepers residences) and we purchased this really cool thing. I don't know what it's called, but it's green and it went into a ship and let light go through it for lighting under the deck. I also got a t-shirt for the light house. I needed SOMETHING from that lighthouse. I climbed it after all and what's more is that I climbed down from it too.

So back to that NEVER statement. On Sunday, we decided to go up to Corolla to visit the Currituck Lighthouse. It was never our intention to climb this bad boy. We just wanted to go and take pictures. Well we walked in to take pictures and .. with some convincing from the keeper of the money (I think he just wanted our 14 bucks) and Rob, we decided to climb this bad boy. (b/c the keeper of the money said .. oh this isn't nearly as bad as Hatteras so if you did that one .. this one will be a breeze). Breeze was the key word. OMG .. it was so freaking windy.

AND I think because I knew how scared I was at Hatteras I was keenly aware of how high I was getting. I was TERRIFIED by the time I got to the top. Rob took a picture, but I wouldn't go near the railing. It was way too gusty up there. I felt like I was gonna get blown away (but in theory .. in all the visitors .. had anyone ever been blown off the lighthouse ... doubtful.). The climb down was almost as bad if not worse than Hatteras. It was terrifying until I decided to do something to keep my mind off it. Every step I took, I said an alphabet. Do you know that one of the sets of stairs I got to S, the next T, the next U and then the last one it took all 26 letters? Guess no one could tell that I teach for a living. :)

In any case, I Jennifer ... climbed TWO lighthouses this weekend. I am a little sore, but ya know what my joints DO NOT HURT. (it's my calves .. and whose calves wouldn't hurt after climbing over that many steps).

I am so proud of myself. :) I did it. BUT, I am still skeered of heights. :(